APOLOGIES

Angelah3

ANGELAH:

I rushed into the hospital, tears falling from my eyes. So many thoughts were roaming and causing me to freak out. When I arrived to the waiting room, there was Janice, Jamelin, and Larry in the waiting room (John’s family). My mom arrived with me. I walked up to John’s sister, Janice.

“Please tell me everything is okay”, I began to cry loudly.

“We all are waiting”, she replied with her eyes extremely red.

I couldn’t believe this was happening, I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut then open and all of this would be a nightmare. That wasn’t the case, this was all so real. I didn’t know what else to do but cry and pray. Jamelin ( John’s mom) couldn’t stop crying either, she was worse than me.

“Lord please, I’ll do anything, just let my son and grand-baby be alright!”, she cried out as Larry (John’s dad) and some nurses tried to keep her calm.

My mother was red eyed too, she was crying the whole ride here, she kept putting it in her head that it was her fault.

20 minutes passed, there were still red eyes, but the crying calmed down.

“I can’t believe this shit is happening right now”, Janice told me red eyed with a raspy voice because of her crying.

“I can’t even think about this right now. I just wanna pray”, I told her while staring off in blank.

 Finally a nurse came out and stood in our direction. I zoned back in as we all approached her.

“Um… Angelah Gurdon”, she said.

“I’m her”, I told her, heart was beating fast.

She gave me a warm smile, “Your boyfriend is doing well, he wasn’t that much injured but injured enough that he has to stay here for a while- like a week or 2 for surgery and run some tests”, she said.

I wanted to tell her that John wasn’t my boyfriend but I wasn’t worried about that.

“My daughter ? What about my daughter!?”, I asked her with tears about to pour.

“Miss… I’m sorry… your daughter lost so much blood caused by a branch that entered between her rib cages that…”

 The nurse went on explaining and all I remembered was crying and screaming noises; everyone going crazy. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t feel anything everything just went black.

It was Niah’e wake, I felt like shit. Mostly all of my family was here, and John’s. Some people were inside viewing Niah’e body- some were outside either crying or refusing to enter or just chatting.

A car pulled up, and Janice, Jamelin, and Larry came out. They walked up to me to see how I’m holding up. Then, Larry and Jamelin went inside, but Janice stayed out with me.

“I’m not ready to go inside”, Janice told me.

I just nodded my head.

“You sure you don’t need any company or help at home?”, she asked me.

“I’m okay Janice… how’s John- did you visit today?”, I asked her.

“Yea, and he’s doing much better physically, he’s home actually… he has a home nurse. It’s best for him. He’s just that he’s not doing too well with the all accident and the results. The most he does is cry and blame himself for everything.  We even tried having a therapist come speak to him daily for about an hour but he refuses to speak about it”, she told me.

Out of nowhere, tears began to fall from my eyes. Janice took small napkins out of her purse then handed them to me.

I wiped my eyes, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cry”, I told her.

“It’s okay Angelah, it’s good to let it out, I know this is a hard time for you- shit- all of us. As long as we are here for each other- it will be okay”, Janice told me.

She pulled me in for a hug.

30 minutes passed and we both were still outside just talking. More people showed to pay respect. I still couldn’t believe this day was happening. Seeing mostly everyone dressed in black and coming up to me giving me a speech was all too much to handle. Half of these people I did recognize but a few I didn’t. This one young lady caught my attention. She was very slim and curvy. She had on a black dress. She was holding a little girl’s hand. The little girl had on a blue tutu with a sparkle shirt. They both looked lost.

“You know them?”, Janice asked.

“No, I don’t think I do… let’s go see”, I told her then started walking up to them as Janice followed.

“Hello”, I said to the lady.

She smiled, “Hello, are you Niah’e mother?”, she asked.

“Yes, nice to meet you”, I said.

“Nice to meet you too, I’m Miranda & this is Hayley my daughter. She was Niah’e best friend”, she replied.

My hand touched my heart as I looked down at the little girl, Niah’e never told me she had a best friend or maybe I wasn’t paying her enough attention to know. I felt horrible.

“Hayley, this is Niah’e mom, didn’t you want to give her something”, Miranda spoke to her daughter.

The little girl seemed very quiet/shy. Very different from Niah’e: who was a big ball of energy. Hayley held up folded paper and handed it to me. I smiled while taking the piece of paper from it. My heart sank when I read, in red crayon; ‘TO: MOMMY- FROM: NIAH’E’  

“Hayley thought you might would want to have that, she told me your daughter wrote it a day before the accident… if it’s too much… you don’t have to read it now, we just thought you should have it”, Miranda explained.

“Thank you”, I said to the both of them.

“You’re welcome”, Miranda said, “Well we are gonna go now, Hayley’s not a big fan of wakes and funerals”.

I slightly smiled, “I understand- Me either…but it was nice to meet the both of you”.

“Same for us”, Miranda said.

“And Hayley?”, I said until she looked up at me, “I want you to know that you are very brave and strong- your bestfriend will always be in your heart”.

Hayley smiled, so did Miranda. After, they both said goodbye again and left.

“What does the paper say?”, Janice said which made me jump a little because I forgot she was with me.

“Uh… Let me see…”, I said as I unfolded the letter and read inside. I wish I didn’t. My heart broke even more and I knew Niah’e death would get even harder to handle.