APOLOGIES

John3

2 MONTHS LATER.

JOHN:

I was in the backseat of Djay car with Sasha. Djay was in the driver’s seat driving with Ashley (His girl) in the passenger seat.

“Yo bro, I’m telling you… last night was live, should of came”, Djay told me.

I lightly laughed, “Really?... who went?”

“Who else… the bros and some chicks Marv picked up”, Djay told me.

“Some chicks?”, Ashley questioned.

“Bae, we all just traveled to the spot together, aint shit go down. Stop tripping”, Djay told Ashley.

“Yea whatever, just like last time when yall supposedly picked up some hoe who were supposed to be quote on quote the ‘Sis’… Djay don’t play with me”, she said starting an argument.

While Djay and Ashley were arguing, I was just staring out the car window. The weather was getting more warmer; it was in the beginning of May. I forgot Sasha was next to me, she moved closer to me laying her hand on my leg. She moved her lips close to my ear.

“Let’s do wild things tonight baby”, she whispered in my ear.

I kind of wasn’t in the mood, so by that, I kinda pushed her off of me and sucked my teeth.

Sasha sucked her teeth back, “Damn John, you act like you have an attitude every time I touch you”.

I didn’t say anything, I just kept looking out the window.

“Sasha”, Djay called her name, “Chill out, you know-…”

“Yea I know- I know, but shit… It was two months ago… move on”, Sasha said bluntly.

My heart ache a bit, but I didn’t even say anything, No comeback, No reply, No nothing. The car stopped.

“Yo chill the Fck out Sasha! That’s my Fcking God daughter you talking about. Are you dumb woman? Shit like that you can’t get over… you real Fcked up for even saying some shit like that”, Djay yelled.

“Yea Sasha that was real Fcked up to say”, Ashley added.

“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sad that it happened too, but this shit is changing him- He’s been antisocial lately and not we don’t even Fck anymore, I’m hardly there anymore because he makes everything all depressing, He’s too afraid to even step foot in his new car I bought him to make him-…”, Sasha tried to continue until my voice cut her off.

“Bro I’m gonna just get out right here… I will walk the rest”, I told him.

“Nah bro, Fck that, if anything, let this asshole get out”, Djay said as Sasha and Ashely fussed about his comment.

“It has nothing to do with her, I just need a walk and shit, besides I need to work out my legs to get back on track and shape”, I told him.

“My N*gga, that’s like 11 long ass blocks you tryna walk- but damn- Ight bro”, he said as he reached to the back to give me a pound, “Hit my jack when you home yo- on some serious shit”.

I chuckled, “Alright Mother”, I joked.

Djay laughed then I exited the car. Djay rolled down his window to again remind me to call with Ashley also was telling me bye and telling me to get home safe. Sasha just was sitting in the backseat mute.

After walking those long 11 blocks, I finally reached home. When I walked inside, everything was just like I left it. I swear it was more garbage on the floor than on the trash can. I began to walk over to my couch. As I was walking, I heard glass crack. I looked down to notice I just broke something. I bent down, moving trash around to see what I broke. When the trash was moved, I was looking at a picture. I gently removed the picture from under the glass which I then noticed was my glass frame. I stood up, staring at the picture of me, Angelah, and Niah’e. In the picture we were at Disney Land, it was back at the time when me and Angelah were together and it was Niah’e birthday.

~FLASHBACK~

“Baby my feet hurt, can we sit for a while”, Angelah whined, while holding Niah’e.

“No, it’s not your birthday, so it’s not about what you want. My baby girl needs to enjoy her birthday”, I told her.

Angelah rolled her eyes, “She’s not even gonna remember any of this”.

“Anyways what ride next? The princess ride or the cup spinning shit-thingy over there”, I said pointing.

Niah’e started to cry and Fuss.

“See, even Niah’e is all moody”, Angelah said whining making a frown face.

“Aye-Aye Listen here, both of you stop being BRATS and let’s finish having fun” I told them.

Niah’e was still crying, she was kind of too young to really understand what I meant.

“Fine, but take your daughter, she’s being a cry-baby for no reason”, Angelah said to me.

I smirked, “And like you aint?”, I said to Angelah while taking Niah’e from her.

Angelah playfully rolled her eyes.

I started rocking Niah’e in my arms to stop her from crying.

“Ssshhh… what’s the matter with daddy’s baby… come on princess it’s your 2nd birthday. Birthday girls don’t cry”, I said while rocking Niah’e more and more. Finally she stopped crying. I sighed then kissed her wet cheeks. I looked over at Angelah to see her just staring at me. I don’t know why. I stared back not knowing what to say but she just kept staring at me innocently. I finally asked her why was she staring, but she just replied “nothing” then lightly smiled at me. I smiled back, and then moved closer to her and with my free hand- I took her hand as we began walking.

~END OF FLASHBACK~

My eyes diverted from the picture, I began to walk over to my couch which was the only area cleaned and clear. That’s only because I slept on the couch. I didn’t sleep in my bed since the accident, I can’t… I don’t understand why.

|Song: Lil corey “I miss you” |

I lay down on the couch, with the picture still in my hand. I started thinking about Angelah. I wonder how she is… I didn’t talk or hear from her since the accident. She probably hates me now, if I was her… I would hate me too. Why did this have to happen? Why the only person who really makes me happy? If her…why not both? Why didn’t you take us both? Why are you letting me go through this pain? If everything happens for a reason…then please help me understand why don’t I have my daughter here with me? Why couldn’t you make a miracle happen? You did it once when you gave her to me… so now why would you take her back?

Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. My heart ache bad and my head was pounding.