Louis Tomlinson Imagines

I hate that I love you (mature/dirty)

Credit: niam-just-love-me in 1dsexualfrustrations on tumblr

(A/n: Image warning)

I walked into the kitchen for the third time tonight and poured myself more wine. As I poured I listened to all the laughter that was mixed with settle hum of Christmas music in the other room. Christmas Eve was a time to be with the people I loved and just be happy. But I just couldn’t do that could i?

I had to be miserable and upset and just drink my sorrow away, while everyone else had a happy fucking holiday. And I just couldn’t I just fake happy because I didn’t want to lie to myself anymore.

And it was all his fault.

He was the one who made me sad. He was the one who said we should have some time apart. He was the one who now refuses to return my calls. And today was his birthday so he’s all could think about. And it’s all his fucking fault.

“(Y/N)” I heard behind me and I turned around to see one of my friends. “Oh god are you ok?” she asked and I nodded while wiping the tears that started falling. “I’m super” I said not even trying to convince them or myself anymore. 

“Do you want to go home?” she asked and I shook my head “I’d rather not be alone” I replied and she nodded. I picked up my glass and took a sip “Well when you’re ready were playing a game, come and join us” she said and I nodded “I will in a little”.

She walked off into the other room and I couldn’t help but cry a little more. I just hated the thought that he was probably with some else today. The thought did nothing but destroy me inside. Causing my heart to ache and my make-up to run down my face and onto my red dress.

Then I heard the doorbell ring and all I could think that it was someone else here to see me at my worst. How many people were going to see like this before I got over Louis?

Apparently after tonight a larger number than I thought.

I heard the door shut and I knew any second the person would come in the kitchen to put their coat down just like everyone else, and they would see me. I turned around so they wouldn’t have to suffer though the pain of my mess. And I heard the sound of their feet enter the room and I waited for them to say something, anything.

But after a minute nothing was said but the person was still in the room. I looked over my shoulder for a second and saw Louis all too filmier face. I turned completely around and looked at him and I felt a whirl wind of emotions. I felt angry, happy, and still sad all at the same time. I reached around and took my glass and chugged what was left in it before placing it back on the counter.

“Happy Birthday” I manged to without breaking down. He nodded a little “Thank you”. His voice sounded strained but still music to my ears. It’s been a few months since i’d heard him and it made my heart beat faster. I looked intently at his face and his blue eyes were even better than I last remember. Just, everything was better than I last remember.

But the thought of better went away when I thought about how he left in the middle of the night without so much as a goodbye. How I’ve called almost everyday since and he hasn’t even  thought of returning the favor. And now here he is, in my friends kitchen looking at me, and I wanted to choke him.

“Why are you here?” I asked “I missed you” he said and hearing those words only made tears pour out but I didn’t dare stop starring at him. “Do you know how many times I called? How many times I’ve said that!” And I watched as he opened his mouth but I held my hand high in the air.

“You are always talking Louis. Our whole relationship I listened to you, now it’s my turn” I said and his eyes moved to the floor. And even though deep down, I was sad and in my heart i knew he was so wrong, I still loved him. I loved every little piece of him on the inside and out and I couldn’t hold it in.