A Step in the Other Direction

~~Chapter 4~~

---Bowen's Point Of View---

I went strait back to my room as I saw Cassidy's dad start pulling out of our driveway, her trailing behind it. I laughed as she yanked open the door and jumped in. I lingered near the window for a second as she jumped in, majestically (it was our inside joke). There was something about that girl that I couldn't put my finger on. She was a broken person, I had seen the battle scars on her, but there was also something behind all of that.

I think she still blames herself for everything that happened. I know she knows she couldn't help what she got, I feel like she thinks it's still her fault. She was just not good enough a person, so she got sick.

I really wish I could convince her otherwise.

"Bowen?" I whiped my head around at the voice. It was Saige coming out of the room we had been in. She walked over next to me, seeing Cassidy jump in.

"Is she ok," Saige asked me.

"What do you mean," I asked, trying to play it off.

"Bowen I'm not stupid. I know her way better than you do. I know somethings wrong with her right now. And I know she didn't tell me the whole story about what happened," she got quiet for a moment, "And I know that you like her."

My breath caught, "What?"

"You like her, I can see it all over your face," she smiled, "I'm practically a matchmaker you know."

I laughed, "You? A matchmaker? Not in a millon years."

"But I'm right," she looked at me, "You like her."

I looked out the window, then down the stairs. My mom was standing there, looking up at me.

"Maybe." I gave Saige a quick goodnight pat on her head and closed the door to my room. I heard Saige's door close.

I landed out on my bed, picking up my phone. Only a couple notifications to remind me about my project that was due next week. I could do it later.

The sun had set about two hours ago, and it was dark. That darkness reminded me of to many times in my life. I remembered the time after my dad died. The memories tried to force themselves into my head, and no matter how hard I tried, they wouldn't leave.

Sometimes, they really wanted to torment me.

I felt the panic rise in my throat, and it began to choke me. This wasn't the first time this had happened. I had had one of these 'panic attacks' before . My mom and Jimmy know I have them, but Jimmy has never seen me have one. My mom has.

It was probably about five months after my dad passed away that I had one near her. I didn't know how to calm them down at the time. I felt the panic rising up, and my mom asked me if I was ok. I couldn't say anything, all I could do was try and get the memories out of my head. It was so painful. I couldn't do anything but struggle against them. She never told me what happened that night. I couldn't remember anything that had happened. I just remember waking up later that night with dried blood all over my arm and shirt. I had huge scratches all over my arms. I couldn't stand thinking about that night.

I had them almost every night. It took a long time for me to be able to keep them down. And by down I mean that I was able to keep them more quiet. They started getting easier to deal with, but I still would have some pretty bad ones. Ones like tonight.

I felt the same panic I felt the first time I ever had one come back. I took a deep breath, the first step in keeping my self calm. It didn't help. The panic gripped at my chest and gradually pushed the air out of me. I grabbed at the covers on my bed, ripping the comforter off of it. I grunted as a wave of pain ran over me, and I couldn't help but yell. I pulled at my hair as I tried to fight the pain off. I could fell the hot tears flowing down my face.

I felt myself yell again, and my door opened. It was a smaller figure than my mother.

"Bowen!" They ran over to me, trying to keep me down. I thrashed at them and then stopped. It was Saige, "Bowen? Look at me Bowen. Please look at me." I fought against her hands, but her grip was too tight. I gave up. My whole being crumpled, and sobs racked my body.

Another two figures cast shadows in the doorway. My mom and Jimmy.

"Saige?" I couldn't hear what Saige said back to her, but I know that soon the figures were gone. My breaths began to come out normally again, and the panic subsided. I fell asleep.

It was probably about two hours later when I woke up again. I saw everything in hazy blobs. I felt something next to me, and when I shifted to see what it was, they moved.

It was Saige.

"S-saige? W-what h-happened?" I coughed as the last word came out of my mouth. My throat was raw.

"Be quiet. Your throat is probably jacked up now. I wouldn't talk for a while if I were you," she said to me. I looked her in the eye, "You freaked Bowen. That's what happened. You went ballistic." It took me a moment to realize what she said. She say the realization hit my face, "Are you ok?"

I slowly shook my head. I was about to break again, I could tell. I let my sister see me break. I let her see hair big brother, the strong big brother, crack open like an egg. That's what hurt me. She wrapped her arms around me as another tear rolled down my face.

I fell into a restless sleep, dreams haunting me. But when I woke up, I couldn't remember any of them.

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So that was Chapter 4!!! Hope you guys enjoyed that! That was...suspenseful...especially to write. 

You know I never realized what authors meant when they said, "I am writing this in a noisy motel room..." Well I do now... I'm currently in a noisy hotel room updating this...don't you just love competitions out of town? It's great...

Well guys thats what's up in my life so have a good week!!!

Update will be Friday April 21st!!!

Have a great week!!!!!!!!!!