A Step in the Other Direction

~~Chapter 14~~

~~Cassidy's Point of View~~

I had never seen a person so broken as I had seen Bowen at that moment. I saw it in his eyes, he believed that he wasn't worth anything. When did he start thinking that? Is that what had made these panic attacks start? 

Did I really want to know? 

It honestly surprised me that I had said the things I said. I never expected myself to say something that could impact a person like that. I never prayed like I prayed that day. Bowen had slipped to his knees and I heard Pastor Marcus start dismissing the crowd. He had said if you were still praying you could stay. I was with Bowen for almost an hour. It was when he fell that we stopped. I was out of words and energy. My dad was the one who caught Bowen. Mrs. Maggie had been right behind him the whole time, and Mr. Jimmy had left out of the church before the alter call. My dad told me he had to go do something. 

Most everyone had left by that point, it was just my family, Bowen's family, the youth pastor and his wife, and the senior pastors. Bowen was out cold, and my dad picked him up and laid him on the chairs. I heard Mrs. Maggie say that Mr. Jimmy had gotten an important work call and had to leave a little early. I wasn't even sure what he did. 

Saige was a little freaked out. Ok, a little wasn't an accurate description. Sure she had seen tons of people fall out in the spirit before, but this was her brother. Anything that came up with him lately freaked her out. Her emotions were shot. 

My dad carried Bowen down to Mrs. Maggie's car and laid him in the back seat. She said that she was going to take them home. 

I guess our lunch plans were getting put off. 

But it wasn't until that night that I was lying in my bed that I started thinking about today. I played the events over and over again in my head. There was one thing that kept sticking out in my head. The sadness and the heartbreak in his eyes. When he said that he thought he wasn't worth it, I felt my heart crack in half. I remembered wrapping him in my arms, and I almost said, 'You're worth it to me.'

He's worth it to me. 

My mom always told me the story of how her and my dad fell in love. It was 'mushy and gushy' but every parent had their own little story. 

My mom had originally lived in Lewisburg, West Virginia. She moved to Georgia when she was ten, the year her little brother, my uncle, was born. They lived in a small suburb about 200 miles south of Atlanta. Moltrie, Georgia was a smaller town. 

She got her first job at a convince store/restaurant called Bouncers. The bottom part of the building was a convince store with a small room that they kept fish bait in. The top was a small dining room that had sandwiches, hotdogs, hamburgers, and pizza. 

The man who owned the store, Richard Baggins, was about to sell the store to his prodigy, a young man named Lenard Cruce. My dad. My mom had met him a couple times by that point, and her first impression wasn't very good. She said he was a hard-headed stubborn jerk who didn't know how to keep his mouth shut. The last part still applies today. 

Richard Baggins decided to sell the store and my dad was then the owner. He kept all of the employees, and then he actually met my mom. He said he fell head over heels in love with her, but she didn't share the feeling. He constantly tired to woe her with small little things, and then once he gave her a promotion to store manager. 

She hated him even more. 

Eventually my dad was going to have to give up the store. There just wasn't enough money to keep it going. He was heartbroken. The store had been there for him since he was a little child. His dad had owned it three people before he did. His dad had passed away five years after he sold the store. 

My mom didn't know the story until a week before the store was to close. There weren't any people to buy the store from him, so it would be torn down. That was killing my dad. They didn't really tell me what happened after that, but soon my mom said she began to like this man. She helped him find a new place to work and they soon became amazing friends. That friendship turned into much more a few years later. 

They moved more north (still below Atlanta) when they got married. The rest of my family stayed in Moltrie.     

And somehow, I was put into this world with this family. They lived the best life they could until I was seven. Thats when life changed. Thats when I was sick. It still pained me to think about those times, even thought those times weren't long ago. 

It was even worse when I said somethings I didn't mean too. I told them I wished they weren't my parents. The way I said it didn't portray what I actually meant. Now saying 'I wish I wasn't your child.' isn't a good thing (duh), but I had meant I whished that they didn't have a child like me that ruined their lives. I was a burden they shouldn't have. 

It was hard talking to them after that. They finally forgave me, but I feel like that feeling of me saying that is still there. 

Oh heck, I basically told them I didn't want them, of course it's still there. 

My mind turned back to Bowen. There was a twinge inside of me every time I heard or thought of his name now. There was curiosity, worry, and something I couldn't quite put my finger on. People had told me about how they fell in love and I wasn't sure if that was the case or not. I mean I cared for Bowen, yea, but did I really like him? 

That was an answer that I couldn't really find. It was somewhere deep down, and it would take hours of soul-searching to find the answer to that question. 

Did I want the answer to that question? 

It took me a long time to decide, but...

yes.  

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Hey sorry for my lateness! Life has been hectic right now...

So I'm going to be gone for a week and might not post for a little... Like I previously stated I'm going to a camp to be a leader and I also am going to A NATIONAL COMPETITION!!!!! YEAAAAAA!! I doubt we will win but...got to try right?

Ok guys have a good week!! See ya!!!!!