Never Let You Go

Twenty-One

Sam sat in the dark a lot those days. Dean barged in one day screaming threats against their dad's life, and another time Cas showed up with five dozen half burnt chocolate chip cookies. But mostly it was Gabriel that showed up, talking, telling jokes, or just sitting with Sam in the dark. The worst night was a few days after John had shown up. Sam had been thinking for a long time, and all that thinking was killing him. He kept wandering around the apartment, wondering what he was doing. He'd always respected his dad, to hear John talk to him like that... like he barely even knew Sam... it was horrible. Sam called Gabriel after the fifth time he found himself staring at the knives.

Sam could only imagine what Gabe thought when he came through the door. Sam was on the ground, in the corner, holding a large kitchen knife, just staring at it.

"Sam? Sam, are you okay?" Gabriel asked frantically, rushing over to him. Sam looked up at him.

"Help..." he said softly. Gabriel pulled Sam into a hug.

"It's going to be okay," Gabe said.

"My own dad hates me. That's a pretty good sign that something's wrong with me," Sam said. Gabriel let him go and slowly took the knife out of his hands.

"Nothings wrong with you, Sam," Gabe said. "You're beautiful, and amazing, and I don't know where I would be if I hadn't met you." Sam rested his head against the wall.

"I just don't know if I can do this," Sam said.

"You can, Sam. You're strong. And I love you," Gabriel said, putting the knife on the floor and stroking Sam's hair. Sam leaned into Gabe's touch, closing his eyes.

"I love you too," he said.

"Are you okay?" Gabriel asked. Sam opened his eyes.

"Just hold me. Please," he said. So that's what Gabe did, and they sat there for a long time, not talking, just being together, until the sun began to rise.