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Chapter 10 - My Life

Chapter 10 - My Life

Today I have to start packing again for school on Monday. Being a hostel child isn't easy. You're always travelling. Even if it is just between a couple different towns, it's a massive pain in the ass and you start feeling sick. This week will be my last week of school before starting again in September. I finish a month earlier than everyone else because my family starts holidays while children are still in school so it's not as busy and crowded. This year, were going on a trip to Roscommon. It's a cute little town with a population of around 1000 people. It's so sweet and tiny. My school has like twice the amount of people. I go to Troy High School in Troy (obviously haha). But the rest of my family live in Saginaw which is like an hour and a half from Troy. It must be hard to be mom and have to drive like 3 hours on Mondays and Saturdays just to take me to an expensive school which is pretty expensive. But on the plus side we came from Detroit about 3 years ago (I met Emma online so that's how I knew her) and it was like a dump. The school I go to now is like on the top ten for high schools in Michigan. I feel kinda blessed because I didn't really get a full education in Detroit like Troy and Danyon. I came here when I was 11 because it wasn't my birthday yet and I was so scared I wasn't gonna make any friends the whole time I was here. Lucky for Megan coming along, because I have to admit something I haven't even told my parents. I was feeling suicidal. I thought so many times about cutting myself but I convinced myself I was worth more than that. But then I'd relapse and consider ODing on painkillers or aspirin. I thought about hanging myself. Drinking pure straight alcohol until I'd pass out and drown in a pool of my own vomit. Drowning myself in the bath tub and so many more ways. I was so depressed. It feels good to admit that, even if the person/ thing I told isn't alive or breathing. I'm feeling better now that I've been talking and communicating to Megan by message chats online. I feel more happy. I finally have the motivation to get out of bed, because I get to see Megan. Plus, since Henry's come into my life, I don't feel like I have a sickness. I feel healthy and loved, even if we're not going out. The hope of him asking me out one day is another reason to wake up and face whatever life throws at me. I feel alive. And just to think, if I had drowned or cut myself, I wouldn't be here anymore. I wouldn't be writing this right now. I wouldn't have a new best friend who I call Megan Gasker. This is all just a big game. The game of life. And the instruction book is something that you don't get. Your the one who makes the rules. You're the one who says how many players can join. You are you and that is true. There is no one you-er than you. I love life now. I love how I get to see my bestfriend and I get to talk to her everyday. I'm also starting to get closer with her other friends Tamiesha and Caitlyn. My opinion on Caitlyn not liking me was poppycock. We're friends. Not like me and Megan friends, but still friends. It turns out that she's actually been living here for 3 years like me, and she moved up from Detroit, like me. Tamiesha and I have a couple of classes together like Art (my favourite) and Science. I guess I never noticed her in science because I was always to busy focusing on Henry aha. I have to go and start packing now. Sorry for the super long entry. I'll try to shorten it a bit tomorrow.