DM • JB

0:34

I stood back stage greeted by everyone, waiting to go on stage. They handed me my mike and I put in my earpieces. I fixed my dress and a few last minute touches on my makeup and I was ready to go. I wanted this performance to be freeing and raw with emotion, show everyone what I'm feeling and connect with people who have the same feeling. It's not about exploiting Justin and I's relationship, it's about expressing how emotional and close this song is to me. My album The heart wants what it wants

Was defiantly a blessing. I took some deep breathes and shook out my hands trying to calm my nerves.

"You ready?" Kendall asked me

"As ready as I'll ever be."

They took me out on stage, it was like a dream come true, I never thought in a billion years that this would be my life. I couldn't control my anxiety at this point, my stress was eating me alive. I couldn't see anything at the moment and I didn't want to. I don't know how I would feel if I saw Justin right now. The stage was right in front of our seats. So he gets a front row seat. 

"After a tremendous year this next artist, who is up for 2 awards tonight, has shown us her sexy side and her emotional side, Singing her number one hit, The Heart Wants What It Wants, ladies and gentlemen, Kylie Jenner"

Then that's when the track started to play

I felt like I know, I know him though
And I know that, and I know his heart
And I know what he wouldn't do to hurt me
But I didn't realize that I-I-I feeling so confident
Feeling so great about myself
And then it just be completely shattered
By one thing, by something so stupid
But then you make me feel crazy
You make me feel like it's my fault
I was in pain

As the track started to play, I could feel the tears well up. I tried my ultimate best to hold them in. I felt all theses emotions go through my body all at once. I was half way through the song I was going strong didn't let one tear fall, I had to give thanks to the one who always stands by me and has been with me through it all....my lord.

"Thank you Jesus" I whispered taking a shaky breathe

As I finished the song I couldn't contain my relief. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. All I heard was clapping all around, all the lights and the cameras just made me lower my head, but give a small smile

"Thank you" I whispered before walking off stage to go get ready to present after the commercial break.

"Kylie that was breathtaking, I have tears I'm so proud of you!" Kendall yelled as I entered back stage. I hugged her like my life depended on it.

"OMG" is all I heard to know that the girls were back here.

"Are you guys even allowed back here?" I asked wiping a stray tear off my face.

"No but we snuck in" Chantel said laughing

"Ky your were so beautiful, I have no words!" Selena said running up to me giving me a hug.

After a few minutes of talking I quickly changed and redid my hair and touched up my makeup to go back on stage to present.

I had no time to process any of  this no time at all, but once I got back on that stage all I had was nothing but nerves all over again, they said Justin was favored to win, but I had to put on my big girl pants and be mature
About it. Even if it does hurt.

"ladies and gentleman, the one and only Kylie Jenner!"

I walked out towards the mike waving a bit to the audience, still trying to hid all of my true emotions.

"I have an easy job right now presenting the five finalist for artist of the year, the hard job would be choosing one of these five amazing artists to bring home this award tonight, luckily that's not my job so I'm all good, here are the nominees  for artist of the year.." I watched as the names played up on the screens, holding the card that had the lucky winner.

Taylor Swift

Drake

The Weeknd

Bruno Mars

Justin Bieber

"And the artist of the year is...-oh fuck me- Justin Bieber.."