Last Summer

XI

The very next day I visited Phil in the hospital. It was visiting hours and so I can right away. He was in stable condition now, which I was beyond thankful for.

The only picture I took of this time was of us two at the hospital that day. He was in the hospital bed looking awful, and I stood next to him looking sleep deprived, which I was. But nevertheless we both smiled for the picture, though we weren't fooling anyone.

I had stayed there all through visiting hours that day. We talked a lot and about a lot of things, but he also stressed a lot that it wasn't my fault, though to this day I think it was.

The doctors said he has depression, and he says he's always battled suicidal thoughts. It as hard to hear, but I told him I was there for him. That I'll always be there for him.

But look at me now. I'm not there for him. He could be dead and I wouldn't even know. I lied to him, I'm not there for him.

I didn't get to see Phil for a few days after that. He was held at the hospital in case he were to try to harm himself again in any way. 

When he came back though, I saw him a lot. It was my job for a while to make sure he stays safe at home. I hardly let him leave my sight because I was so afraid for him.

Through this whole time I let my camera collect dust in my bedroom. Phil was more important. All I have are the memories.

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This was meant to be a full length chapter, but I stopped it here so I have time to do a book report.

I have to do a book report by tomorrow because I'm passively aggressivelymad at my English teacher xD

Oh well there's not much I can do with these chapter until we get back to the videos, but it would be heartless for Dan to be on his camera at a time like this.

Okay I'll see you next week!

Love you! Bye!

~Madi