Last Summer

VI

The sun has gone down, and the minutes on the clock tick by slowly. I just sit quietly in my bed. Wide awake. I really should sleep, I haven't slept very well recently. My mind is too active though. Thinking about the move, about Phil, and about the road trip.

Part of me wishes I wasn't so obsessed with that camera back then. I wish that I would have lived in the mom2more, and appreciated what I had more. Maybe then things wouldn't have gone so wrong. Maybe then phil wouldn't have ended up so hurt, because he really didn't deserve that.

You know how when people get drunk, they fear that they will go ahead and stupidly text their Ex. Well, I'm not even drunk and still the thought is stuck in my head like a broken record telling me to text phil. There are millions of logical reasons not to. So so so so so many reasons. And I honestly cannot think of a reason to text him, though the idea is stuck in my stupid head.

I glance at the clock as it changes to 02:46 and sigh. Another late night. And I'm not even tired. I left the camera downstairs so I wouldn't be tempted to watch more videos, but the temptation is still there, and is getting worse and worse with every passing minute.

I finally decided to go get it, but willing myself to leave the warm cocoon that my blankets have made for me is hard. It takes a lot of work but eventually I pull my blankets off like ripping off a band aid. I'm instantly greeted by freezing cold air. Ugh.

My floor is colder then the air as I rush down the stairs to grab the camera. I only have two goals in mind:

1. Get the camera so I can entertain my sad self

2. Get back to my warm bed before my fave freezes off.

Before I know it I've made it to my living room. I push through the pillows and grab the camera, quickly running back to my bed.

As I power on the camera is am content by the heat my blankets are providing once again. With the camera now on I go to the next thing on the camera roll.

It's just a simple picture, but a really pretty one with good lighting and a nice angle. The picture is just of mine and Phils picnic. It's all laid out nicely. I remember asking him if I could take this once picture after he grounded me from my camera from the rest of the day saying I need to "live in the moment every once in a while"

The picture makes me smile, remembering the great time I had. I was having such a great time remembering that I seemed to have been just starring blankly at the camera and eventually it turned itself off because of lack of use. I guess I got caught up in thinking so much that time passed by.

I really should go to bed.

-------------------

Sorry it's short and crappy, in just not in a good head space right now. Too much anxiety and ugh. I'm not doing questions this time either, I just need to be to myself for a bit, but. I wanted to update this for you. Sorry it sucks.

Love you! Bye!

~ Madi