*Perrie's Pov*
Seconds stretched into minutes as I waited for Jade to return, although I wasn't certain she would. This time when tears collected in my eyes, it had nothing to do with the pain lingering in my body.
I'd pushed her too far.
I'd pushed her away.
The tears fell freely. For my father's betrayal. For the mess I'd made of things. For hurting the women I loved.
Jade's footsteps came closer until I sensed she'd returned. I didn't bother to turn my head to look at her. There was no way I could face her after what I'd done. The bed shifted as Jade sat down next to me. With light hands she carefully brushed my hair back from my face, freezing when she saw my tears.
Jade swallowed audibly and leaned to kiss my forehead. "I'm going to attend to your bottom. I don't want you to bruise."
Her words were hollow, although they echoed with self-loathing. I wanted to stem my tears, knowing it only destroyed her more to see them. But I couldn't.
"This will be cold," She warned me as she laid something soft over my backside. A moment later the chill of ice seeped through the cloth.
It didn't matter. I was already numb, overwhelmed by our experience. Nothing mattered. Certainly not my physical comfort. Not when I'd forced Jade to do something against her will. I barely processed it when her weight shifted and she spooned against me, her arms sliding under my stomach. She pulled me close, abandoning the ice pack and cocooning me with her warmth as she buried her face into my neck and whispered apologies. My eyelids grew heavy, my body overcome by the scene, and I slipped into sleep, knowing I was the one who needed to say I was sorry.
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I woke feeling empty to discover Jade's absent from our bed. I sat up, forgetting about the belt, and winced as my weight shifted onto my rear. It wasn't bad, just a bit sore. The room was dark but light slanted through the open curtains and fell over a form at the foot of the bed. Moonlight sketched Jade's profile, highlighting her culminating body. Jade's head was in her hands as though her thoughts were a burden. Crawling across the mattress, I slipped my arms around her, pressing myself against her back.
"You're not a monster," I whispered, knowing what she was thinking.
A sigh heaved through her body and she shook her head. "You're wrong. I was wrong. I knew it, but I did it anyway."
"Because I forced you to." That was the truth, and she needed to see it. I'd given her no other choice, given how recently I'd ran from her and the fragile state of our relationship.
"I lost control. It should never have happened." Jade's grip on my hand tightened. "I'm sorry, Perrie."
"I'm not," I murmured, letting her go. Scooting off the bed, I stood before her and tipped her chin up with my finger. "I was going crazy not knowing. Now I know."
The fire was gone from her eyes, extinguished by guilt. She squeezed them shut, unable to meet my gaze. "It will never happen again."
"Jade..."
"This isn't a negotiation," She cut me off. "This is my hard limit. I can't promise that I'll never hurt you again, but I will not inflict physical pain on you. If you ask again, I will refuse. Are we clear?"
I nodded, swallowing against the lump in my throat.
"Do you hate me?" She asked, opening her eyes to search mine.
Why couldn't she see that how I felt for her was the furthest thing from hate? My heart ached knowing that my words could never reassure her. Words could wound and destroy but they'd never be enough to heal or rebuild. There were so few words that could do that and they were words she couldn't speak or hear. With us, we could only show one another.
I took a step back as my fingers found the buttons of the blouse I still wore. My shirt fell to the floor and I unhooked my bra, shucking it from my breasts. Jade watched with distant eyes that only barely sparked when I finally stood naked before her. She took my hand and pulled me close.
"Turn around," Jade ordered softly.
I hesitated, knowing why she wanted me to.
"Perrie." Her tone was rich with the unrepeated command.
Shifting my feet, I turned my back to her. A low, strangled growl rose in her throat, raising goose bumps along my arms. Jade's fingers skimmed across the tender flesh, writing apologies across my skin.
"I can't make love to you," She confessed. "Not after this. I shouldn't be allowed to touch your body."
I swivelled in her embrace and shook my head.
"I need this. My body needs this. No negotiations. " Jade's hands dropped to her sides. If that was how we had to play it, so be it. She didn't stop me as I straddled her, sinking into her lap. Hooking an arm around her neck, I circled my hips slowly, knowing her body would respond even if she insisted on punishing herself.
"Touch me," I said in a soft voice. "I know what you can't say. I know what you think you've done to me. But you can show me how you feel. I need you inside me. No more walls. There are no secrets now. Just be with me."
Jade's mouth caught mine. She kissed me like a drowning person gasping for air, her hand curving up to cradle my back. I continued to move against her, feeling her growing hard against my soft thigh as I lost myself to the surge of emotions flooding through me. Jade was the earth and the air. Fire and water. My whole world packaged into one perfectly flawed women.
"I love you Jade." I whispered and she smiled.
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Hey Guys! Sorry I know this update is short I promise the next one will be longer. Anyway my best friend said I should do this so you's get to know me and he made up a list of questions to answer and some of them are awkward but he likes to embarrass me so here it goes.
1. Age - 19
2. Sexuality - Gay
3. Best Friend - Mathew
4. Relationship Status - Single
5. Have a crush? - Nope
6. Biggest fear - Clowns
7. Things I find attractive in guys? - I'm not into guys but i guess if I was it would be a good personality.
8. Eye colour - Hazel with a little a bit of green
9. Would I ever date one of my followers - I don't know maybe
10. Favourite series - Supergirl
11. Meaning of your tattoo? - Its of a sun I got when my dog passes away because the sun was his favourite thing.
12. Looks or personality? and why? - Personality because everyone goes for the people who they think are 'hot' and that person treats them badly and then they say I wish I could have a caring and kind girlfriend or boyfriend and every time someone like that tries to talk to them they ignore them because they are not what they think is attractive which is wrong.
13. How did you get into writing - My English teacher when I was at school got me into it. she was very kind.
14. Have any siblings? - I have a younger brother.
15. One thing you hate the most - Cheating its wrong if your not happy with your partner then break up with them, cheating isn't the answer.
16. One thing you love about your followers - They are so supportive, Just amazing.
So yeah there's a little bit about me if you have any questions you want to ask feel free to ask away, I hope you liked this update!
See you next update
