Diary of a Desperate Wife and Mother - aged 35...and a half

First Kiss

Wednesday

Today was ok...Finn got to school looking relatively tidy which is always a bonus. The playground was pretty calm too, although it is usually better in the morning than the afternoon, most people seem too busy to bitch in the morning.

When I got to work we were fully staffed and as such it was a nice steady day with a nice mix of friendly banter, gossip and work.

When I got home I felt quite relaxed and decided to ditch any housework in favour of a little reading. Since I decided to keep a diary in the same vein as my teenage diary I have avoided reading my old entries because I am unsure whether they will simply embarrass me or worse still make me feel disillusioned with the life I have compared to the one I had wanted.

Victoria's Diary aged 13 and a half

It's been 2 days since Steven and I walked some of the way home together and we hugged, he hugged me. We don't have any lessons together on a Tuesday so I didn't see him yesterday, but today we have English, French and Maths together which makes me so, so happy.

Gemma isn't at school today so I am really hoping Steven and I can walk home together. I briefly wondered if he has plans for lunchtime or whether he'll be in the canteen at the same time as me.

I was already sat in my usual place in Maths when Steven appeared. Mr Wilson didn't look happy as Steven swaggered across the room to take his seat next to me but I didn't care about Mr Wilson because Steven looked seriously cool. I smiled at him, a lot and when he smiled back at me I thought I might faint. He is so gorgeous. Mr Wilson told Steven to hurry up when he took his seat next me. He sat so close that his leg touched mine and it made me tingle. I think he did it on purpose because he smiled at me again.

I don't like algebra, I don't really get it, it confuses me, but Steven is so smart...he gets it all and he has offered to help me, after school sometime. He said I can go to his which is good because my mum will hate him because he is good at everything and he is so beautiful and his parents have jobs, like career jobs...his mum is a doctor and his dad is a lawyer which also means they're rich. My dad is a builder and he has his own business and my mum works in a shop a couple of days a week and we live in a nice house and have nice things but it's all very working class, Steven is more middle class, my mum doesn't like middle class.

Steven is hoping to make the school football team so he couldn't have lunch with me which made me sad, I kind of sulked when he said he'd see me in English. He made me feel much better when he asked if we could walk home together. I hope Gemma's ok, but am glad she's off today because I get Steven to myself tonight.

Melissa Matthews was in English and I don't like her, she's a bit of a slag really and all the boys like her. She decided she was going to try it on with Steven today and sat with him meaning I had to sit with Nathan O'Connell! I like Nathan but he is not Steven and I don't trust bloody Melissa. Steven looked across at me a few times and I don't know why. He didn't smile or anything which confused me because I wanted him to smile or do something that said he wanted to be sitting with me. This is officially the worst day of my life! English was our last lesson so I was still angry about Steven and Melissa when we began walking home. Steven tried to talk to me but I was a bit of a cow and stropped a bit too. When we reached the place where we'd gone our separate ways last time, the post office I tried to walk away but Steven pulled me back. He didn't say anything...he walked me back so that I was pushed against the post box of all things and then he looked down at me. He's taller than me so he has to look down really and then, oh my God, then he said, 'Don't be mad with me, I didn't want to sit with Melissa, I wanted to sit with you Tori'. Nobody has ever called me Tori before, everyone calls me Vic or Victoria, but I like Tori, I like the way Steven says it. And then he leaned down and kissed me, like a proper kiss though. His lips were so soft and then he put his tongue in my mouth.

Today is officially the BEST day of my life EVER!!!!!!!!!

Victoria's Diary aged 35 and a half

Haha, I love my capital letters. I considered reading on in order to remember that first kiss, how it felt when the door opened and Paul appeared. He isn't usually home so early but sometimes when a job ends he is. He is a builder, like my Dad...they're partners and as my Dad's role has decreased Paul's has increased.

When I look up I can see he has that look in his eyes, the one that says we have about 40 minutes before Finn needs picking up and the house is empty. He grins and that confirms I am reading him correctly. I laugh but am already accepting his hand and following him upstairs with instructions on 'being quick', 'not messing my hair up because I won't have time to wash it before the school run'. Paul simply laughs but then once we arrive at the top of the stairs he pushes me against the bedroom door and kisses me. I might need to hide my old diaries I decide as I wonder if he knows that I was just reading about kissing my first boyfriend.

We arrived at school together and were subjected to the usual looks and nudges that couples arriving together get. Because I am the one that normally picks Finn up and Paul doesn't us being there together is unusual so we draw attention. The other thing that couples are subjected to on the playground are the knowing looks that suggest they know what you've been doing. The fact that Paul and I were doing what they suspect only makes me look guiltier of it! I am more convinced than ever that I have my 'I have just had sex' face on.

Sporty mums and together mums look and smirk, but their smirk at Paul is far more appreciative than any I have ever received. Although, he is an attractive man, my husband; he's tall and broad, has a full head of mainly dark hair and his job helps to keep him physically fit and usually tanned. I don't mind that they look at him and like what they see, but I bristle when I see them transfer their look to me and their faces morph into a 'why is he with her' expression.

Paul might have picked up on that too because he put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer before kissing the top of my head just as Finn appeared and he looks as shocked to see a dad on the playground as the other mothers.

The rest of the night was fairly calm with the exception of Scarlett who needed to vent about some issue with a girl at school. Apparently this other girl has been flirting with the boy my daughter likes. I struggled not to laugh when she was in full flow as I thought of Melissa Matthews and my feelings towards her.

It's bedtime for me and I have to admit today has been a GOOD day (not sure about the capitals), especially as Paul walked the dog and did times tables with Finn, although he did warn me that once we're beyond 2, 5 and 10 times tables it's on me! I might need to have more daytime sex with my husband if it means it puts him in a good enough mood that he does homework, walks the dog, washes up and deals with bedtime!