Diary of a Desperate Wife and Mother - aged 35...and a half

So Do Girls Really Marry A Man Like Their Dad?

This one is a slightly longer chapter, hope you enjoy it.

After another day at home with Finn I am now sitting in the doctor's waiting room with Scarlett. She is nervous, and slightly fidgety and this is made worse because the doctor is one we don't know. Scarlett has asked three times if it's a man or a woman, and three times I have replied with the same, 'I don't know'. She then goes on to ask if I will go in with her, which I will, if that's what she wants. We sit and chat about nothing and everything; TV, Finn being unwell and then a girl at school who has taken a shine to her boyfriend, Luke. I think of my own feelings towards Melissa and can totally relate to her annoyance and insecurities that Luke might be interested and know that she is still unsure of things even after I tell her that her boyfriend is only interested in her. I do stop short of telling her that he follows her around like a devoted puppy, Paul's words, not mine.

We watch several other patients being called in, a couple of them children with their Mum and I realise that with Scarlett I am on the tail end of her needing me for things like this. I know that once we get called in the doctor will address her and not me and that's fine, as it should be but it is another reminder that she is no longer my little girl, my first born is growing up and that makes me sad, tearfully so. With a few suck it up words for myself I try to imagine what this feels like from Scarlett's point of view, not the moving from childhood into young womanhood but being here, with me, discussing periods, hormones and contraception. The idea of it makes me shudder and gasp as I imagine how this would have gone down for me with my mother, except it wouldn't have gone down at all because she would never have condoned this. I remember her opinions whenever she heard of girls going on the pill, getting pregnant or worse having an abortion...

Scarlett is called, interrupting my inner musings and of course the doctor is in fact a man, a young and attractive one, making us both giggle like schoolgirls which Scarlett is meaning she is allowed to giggle and blush, unlike me.

Scarlett views me like I am the world's most embarrassing parent in the world as I convey the extent of her problems, but as she as deferred to me I have very little option other than to tell the doctor why we're here. The doctor is very sweet and after a few questions and checks on Scarlett he suggests the pill. I ask about the risks based on my own very short experience of it but he dismisses my concerns and reassures us that my daughter is at no greater risk of complications than anyone else; she is young, fit, healthy, doesn't smoke and is the perfect weight for her height. Scarlett looks relieved by the time we leave, relieved that her problems may actually be addressed and I suspect is as relieved that I am going to stop speaking about her periods and again I can't help but think of my own mother. She barely acknowledged my first period beyond buying sanitary products for me and every subsequent one went by with barely a word. She was devastated when I got pregnant with Scarlett, less so with Martin, in fact that is unfair, she was thrilled when I got pregnant with Martin and Finn and has always loved all of my children it was just the unmarried teenage thing with Scarlett she objected to.

By the time we get home Paul has begun tea and Finn is asleep again on the sofa under a Power Rangers fleece blanket melting my heart a little as I realise that as much as my eldest child is almost an adult my youngest is very much a baby still.

Finn remains asleep when we sit down for tea. Martin is discussing a school trip to Paris reminding Scarlett that she has a letter in a bag for a trip to New York. The kids begin by saying it doesn't matter if they're not allowed because it is really expensive, especially for them both. I love that my kids are considerate enough to think of the cost and not simply expect to go regardless, especially as they have never been denied anything based on cost. Paul shakes his head and simply asks 'how much'? The total cost for both is about 2 grand and although he winces and whistles he does what he always does and directs them to me with a simple 'your Mum will sign the forms if you really want to go' which essentially means he'll pay for both trips making my older children beam from ear to ear, unlike my husband when Martin makes references involving Scarlett, Luke, the pill and being alone in New York. I am unsure what either of us should say, but it's Finn that speaks when he startles us all with the question, 'what's the pill' followed by, 'what's for tea, I'm starving', meaning my boy is feeling better.