Diary of a Desperate Wife and Mother - aged 35...and a half

You Could Get A Bus Through There

Tuesday

The morning started off badly because Scarlett is on a school trip which is non-uniform. She is on her sixth outfit at least by the time the boys have finished breakfast and apparently it still isn't right. We have done boyfriend jeans, leggings, joggers, a short skirt and tights, a long skirt and no tights and we are now on skinny jeans. After asking for the fourth time if they look ok with her flat boots and four times of me saying yes they do, she still looks sceptical and then asks me a question I really don't understand until it is explained. She asks me if her gap looks ok. My confused look seems to convey that I need more words and she expands to inform me that you should have a gap between your thighs, a significant one apparently. My daughter seems genuinely amused by my shock, horror and disbelief that such a thing exists and goes off for her day at a theme park, happy with her thigh gap and my naivety of such things.

I am still unable to believe that a thigh gap is even a thing when I get to work and actually found myself studying everyone around me. My colleagues and customers and am quite disturbed by the fact that I am imagining them all naked from the waist down and honestly, they're images I could live without having in my mind. One customer actually comes in wearing skinny jeans similar to my daughter's and I swear she has a huge gap, bigger than Scarlett's. I am unsure if that is good or bad and as much as I think I could check with my daughter it may be a bad thing, especially if bigger is better so I might have to settle with asking Gemma at school later.

Once I get home I take the dog to the park and once we're back home I dash upstairs to get changed. I tell myself that I don't care about my thigh gap but realise that is a lie when I find myself standing in my underwear in front of the full length bedroom mirror and scrutinise my legs from every conceivable angle. From the back there is no gap, just an overlap of cellulite and an awareness of my bum heading south! From the side all I see are the spider veins I decide I need to buy some cream to deal with or maybe Google solutions for them. Then, foolishly I tackle it head on and oh bloody hell! I have no gap, no matter how I stand, my inner thighs simply get in the way. The more I try to find a gap the more thigh I seem to have. By the time I put my clothes on I want to cry because my legs, although a little short were always one of my better features!

Victoria's Diary aged 13 and a half

It's summer and it is a warm one. Steven and I are going to a local park where the fair is for the next few days. I have dressed in a pair of denim cut off shorts and a vest top. I also wear a bra because my boobs are still growing and they're too big not to wear one. I need to get one of those strapless bars because a white bra only looks right with a white top and a black one with a black one. I have a couple of pretty floral bras but I can't wear those with this kind of top. Wouldn't it be ace if you could inflate your boobs when they needed to be bigger and the rest of the time they stayed flat? I put on my sandals and run downstairs where I shout by to my Dad and am relieved that my Mum is out because she would not like my outfit.

We're meeting at the post office again and I don't see Steven until I get there because he is sitting in the bus stop with one of his friends. His friend looks at my legs and then my boobs making me blush. I am so glad when he gets on the bus and Steven and I are alone again. He kisses me and then holds my hand and we walk to the park. There are loads of different rides including the waltzers, bumper cars and a big wheel. When we get to the top of the big wheel it stops and that is when Steven pulls me closer and kisses me. While he kisses me he runs his hand up my legs until he's almost touching my bum and when he stops kissing me he tells me how much he loves my legs, how great they are, sexy.

How did I get to be this lucky to find Steven and for him to really like me and fancy me and love my sexy legs? My life is PERFECT.

Victoria's Diary aged 35 and a half

I ask Gemma about the thigh gap and she confirms it's a thing, more than that she tells me about hers meaning I am the only one with flabby thighs! When Monique rocks up and not her husband she is wearing black leggings and guess what? She has a bloody thigh gap and it is huge! It really is just me without one then. There's another mum in leggings and she doesn't have a thigh gap, but she had a gastric band fitted 3 weeks ago so will probably have one before I do.

By bedtime I insist that Paul looks at my thigh gap, or lack thereof. He lies on the bed and seems genuinely amused by my preoccupation with flabby inner thighs. I plead with him to take it seriously because I am genuinely concerned. I watch as he tries to find the right thing to say but the only right thing is to find my gap and unfortunately I don't have one. That realisation genuinely upsets me and I think I might cry, partly because of my legs but also because I think I might need to join a gym or exercise! Seeing my sadness Paul actually shuffles to the end of the bed and pulls me down next to him. He tells me how beautiful I am and how I was always the prettiest girl he knew and then he tells me that he loves my leg, how great they are, sexy and I smile as I think back to my trip to the fair with Steven and the diary entry that I rediscovered today. Before I know what is happening Paul is kissing me and his hands are still caressing my gapless legs and whilst my life may not be perfect it is actually pretty good.