PARK JIMIN | jimin x mara

chapter | 13

I opened my eyes and felt something warm in my hands, Jimin's hand. He was asleep, head resting on my hospital bed as he held my hand beside his face. I tried to move but I felt too weak like my bones all lost strength. I felt so cold, shivering when I removed the blankets on me. Jimin woke up just when my hand slipped from his and he blocked my way when I wanted to leave my bed.

"Mara, you need to rest more." Jimin said as he made me lie down again. He placed the blankets over me again and gave me a weak smile, "Are you hungry? Do you need anything? Water?"

"Jimin, what happened?" I tried to speak, my voice came out really bad. I remembered why I was rushed to the hospital and, automatically, felt my womb with my hand, "What happened to the baby?"

His smile was wiped away by a grim frown then he held my hand tighter. He couldn't look at my face and instead focused his gaze on our locked hands. Tears filled my eyes slowly. I knew what he was going to say. Somewhere inside me, I felt it; the immense feeling of loss. I was getting red in the face as I tried to swallow back my tears, my lips trembling, my chest tightened and I sudden had trouble breathing.

The first tear fell on my hospital gown, followed by a gush of sorrow that blocked my heart. I wanted to scream but I couldn't even speak as the violent sobs took over me. Jimin's arms locked me in. I gripped on his arm as I buried my face against his chest. He didn't say anything. He didn't do anything. He just let me cry it out, cry everything out.

"I'm so sorry." Jimin whispered softly when I quieted down and my sobs were gradually fading. "We couldn't have known that this would happen. I know you tried your best to keep him. We did everything so don't blame yourself for this. There was nothing that we could've done to prevent this from happening."

Jimin lifted my face up and dried my tears with his thumb as he cupped my face. He delivered a delicate kiss on my forehead and hugged me again, "We can try again.. I'm here. We'll get through this. I love you."

•••

The next few weeks has not been the easiest. I was discharged from the hospital against medical orders because I couldn't bear being in there anymore so as soon as my fever went down and the infection from the miscarriage has been cured, I asked Jimin to take me home. At first, he disapproved of the idea but I pleaded to him until he agreed.

Taehyung has been staying with my brother in the mean time. He got him a nanny and Isabel told me she will look after him for me. Jimin and I are the only ones occupying our home at the moment. It wasn't the same when I came back. Everything has changed, even my relationship with Jimin. We continued to do the same things together; eat meals together, share the bed, we talk yet it's not the same thing anymore.

We decided not to talk about what happened since the day I found out, like a taboo word, we avoided mentioning it as much as possible. Nobody mentioned anything around me. I felt so isolated.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Jimin asked, sitting next to me on the bed as I helped him prepare for a needed business trip to the US.

I gave him a smile, "I'm okay. Stop worrying about me. I'm going to be fine."

Jimin trailed a hand down my arm and gently kissed me. I was taken aback, frozen for a second, when he continued to kiss me, getting more intimate. I had my eyes close as I kissed him back softly, trying to move on but I can't. It's still too painful for me.

"Stop." I pulled away and pushed him back lightly, turning away from him. "I can't do it.. sorry."

His face was filled with guilt, "No, I'm sorry. I know and I understand that you're not ready yet. I shouldn't have forced myself on you like that." Jimin said and then the painful silence filled the space between us again.