Playing Games

Chapter 33

LOGAN POV

I've been pacing in my living room for the past half an hour, with my thoughts moving at a million miles per hour. I told myself that I wouldn't do anything to lose Savannah again, yet I hit her and scare her away. My hand still stings from how hard I hit her, and how I had to defend myself when her new knight in shining armor came.

I knew that she truly thought I was the right man for her, and although my intentions weren't true, all I had to do was keep acting like I was Prince Charming. That's all I had to do.

All I had was one simple task that I performed almost every time that I met a girl, but of course I screw it up with the one girl that I genuinely had feelings for.

Genuine, my ass. You know damn well you didn't have feelings for her that weren't sexual.

The negative side of my brain has been saying things nonstop since Savannah stormed out, and instead of trying to think about something else to distract me from what I've done, I just deal with the thoughts that are forming in my mind.

If I tried avoiding this existential crisis that I'm going through, it wouldn't leave me alone. It would begin to haunt me and take control of everything. I wouldn't be able to think straight because this overwhelming guilt would just come over me. Almost like that violent side of me that abused Riley, Olivia, and Savannah without any hesitation.

I shouldn't go on peacefully and ignore all of the mess that I've made. It's so deep now that it probably wouldn't be cleaned up unless I somehow managed to disappear off of the face of the earth. Then everyone who I've ever hurt would actually be able to live in peace because I wouldn't be spreading my negative energy.

Anthony would find way better friends than me, and he wouldn't have to cater to me all the time because I know he's trying to move further in his relationship with London. He won't be able to do that if I'm constantly bitching to him about things that are completely my fault.

Olivia wouldn't be living in constant paranoia. She wouldn't have worry about me barging in with the intention of hurting her so bad that her face will probably remain permanently scarred.

And Savannah could actually be with someone who loves her.

By the way she looked at Brendan, I can tell that she wishes that she hadn't wasted her time on me because she realizes that he's the one she wants to be with.

I've probably lost her for good this time, and I cannot blame anyone but myself.

I storm out of the door, slamming it behind me as I run towards my car. As I lock myelf inside of it, rain slowly begins to fall from the sky. Usually, I find the sound of rain to be peaceful, but after everything that just happened, I cannot find peace whatsoever. I begin to speed along the road, not really sure as to where the hell I'm going.

Just somewhere far away where I know that I'm truly by myself.

The heavy rain obscures my vision, along with the angry tears forming in my eyes. I choke on a few tears here and there, and I cannot swallow this huge lump in my throat.

How could I hit Savannah?

How could I do that to her?

Overwhelming guilt washes over me, and the image of Savannah grimacing in pain just makes it worse. How I could manage to hit a woman that I've been involved with for all of this time really makes me question myself.