Alexander || Complete

How to Save Yourself

Tristan POV

I have ruined my life, without even meaning to do so. I didn't mean for all of this to happen, I thought...I  don't know what i thought actually. Maybe if i had done what I was suppose to she would still be here. She'd want to be here.

This place is cold and unfamiliar, I haven't felt this way since, my mothers funeral.

"Hello Mr. Kane, how have you been feeling recently?"

"Drowsy, and tired all the time"

"Um, it maybe time to change your prescription, how long have you been taking these?"

"For about 7 months straight now."

"Anytime before that?"

"Uh, I stopped for about a year, because they made me feel weird. Then I noticed a change in my behavior, so I went back on them."

"Well, would you like to try something else? Or are you still trying to adjust to the way those prescriptions make you feel?"

"I don't like this feeling of constant drowsiness, i cant function with these. And all these new drugs you're going to suggest, will only come with more side effects. " i stare at the doctor for a while then look away

" Just want to feel...not tired and sick all the time! I don't want to have to keep pretending that I'm okay, because I'm not!"

"You don't have to pretend to be okay, Mr. Kane, if you would like maybe i can refer you to a friend of mine. She's a therapist, she's good at what she does."

"I don't want to go to a damn therapist, going to a therapist would mean that I'm a nut job and I'm not damn it!"

"Therapy isn't for "nut jobs" it's for people who need someone to talk to, someone who may be able to give some insight as to why you feel the way you do. It may also be a way to talk through whats going on in that head of yours"

Xander may be more willing to come back if i show her that i am trying, not just by taking my medication but by showing her that I'm trying.

"What's the guys name?"

"Her name is Penny Wright, um I can set an appointment for you?"

"Why are you doing this for me doc, I don't even know you."
" You're right i don't know you, but i can see that you really want to change."

"How could you possibly see that?"

"You mentioned a person when I got here, Xander?" I look away from him  not realizing I was talking out loud earlier.

" If you do this  do it for you, not for anyone else. If you want this to work out, do this for yourself, not for someone else."

"I started taking my medication again because of her. So don't talk to me like you have any idea what I've done, for and to her."

"The only way to show her you are getting better is to get better for yourself"

"Thanks for your help doc, uh can you write down penny's number for me?"

****

When I left the doctors office, I didn't want to go home, too many memories. I decided to go to the lake for a while take my mind off of things.

*DING* Message from Xander

Xander: Hey.

She wants to talk to me?

Tristan: Hey sweetie, whats going on?

Xander: I don't know why I am messaging you to be honest. I think I was just... I don't know what I was thinking.

Tristan: That's fine, I'm glad to hear from you.

It is, I miss her so much.

Xander: What have you been up to?

Should I tell her? i don't know if she'd think less of me or if she'll think I'm crazy or something.

Tristan:  Xander, I don't want you to think I'm telling you this just to get back with you.  I want to tell you this because I love you.

Xander: What is it?"

Tristan: I'm going to a therapist.

I wait and wait for a response that doesn't come. I knew she would feel differently about me, I knew it.  I hadn't cried in a long time, I think it was because I hadn't felt this strongly for anyone in my life.

When I got home, I kept the lights off. I didn't want to have to look at my apartment without her in it.

*DING* Message from Xander

Xander: I am so proud of you, Tristan. I miss you too, but i still need time. I love you.

"She still loves me" I whisper to myself in the dark.

I could hear my heartbeat pick up and butterflies doing somersaults in my stomach. She still loves me after everything that I've done. I lay down in my bed, ready for tomorrow, because tomorrow would be the day I start myself over.

*Side Note*

I am not a doctor, i have only come in contact with people who are diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. One of my good friends is diagnosed with it, I only put in some of what he tells me he feels when he takes medication for it. Again NOT an expert.

Song in M/M

The Fray- How to Save a Life ;I thought it was a good choice for this chapter.

I am bringing this story to a close soon, thank you all so much for being avid The Pretty Boys Curve readers. It means the world to me, you guys have no idea.