Alexander || Complete

I Hate This Part

Tristan POV

When I walk into the therapist office, a lump gets caught in my throat making it hard to breath. I look around trying to find a restroom, when I spot one I run towards it and lock the door behind me. I heave and breath in and out deeply, until I start to calm down.

"Breath just breath man, you got this. Don't be afraid." I unlock the bathroom door and walk out into the lobby.

I walk up to the receptionist desk, "Hello, I have an appointment with Penny?" He looks up at me and nods "Ms. Wright, your 10:30 is here".

"Send him in, Kyle". He gestures for me to go back with his head, "uh thanks Kyle". He gives me a thumbs up as I walk away, okay he hates his job.

I walk through these mahogany doors to see a women sitting behind a glass desk. "You must be Tristan, it's a pleasure to meet you".

"Thanks, I heard you could help me with my issues". She chuckles

" I can help you, as long as you're willing to be open."

"open about what?"

"Everything".

Everything, I've never told anyone everything, I don't know if I can do that. "You don't have to tell me everything at once, we can start slow, the more comfortable you become with me and this process the more you'll be willing to tell." I nod and look for a place to sit. "You can sit right over here, that way we can have a more intimate interaction with one another. If it makes you feel at ease, I can tell you a bit about myself?" I shrug and the suggestion but it might help me talk about everything.

"Well, I am a single mother of two wonderful children, their father was killed in a car accident 5 years ago. My mother was a drunk and my father was a drug addict who tried to sell me for money." Wow was not expecting that "How did you cope with all if that?"

"I went to therapy for a long time". I don't know what to say to her, she just looked so put together and nice. "People go through tough times in their lives, Mr. Kane but if they're willing to overcome them, there isn't anything that could stand in their way."

I sit in the chair beside her " My father was abusive when I was younger, he used to come in from work and beat my mother and I if we didn't do what he wanted. When I was 10 years old, my father stayed at home so that he could make sure I was coming home on time. I came in 15min passed the usual time, and he took out this long wire, and he beat me till my legs were numb. I couldn't tell anyone what really happened because he said if I did, he'd hurt my mom." When I finished telling her the story I felt this weight on my chest lift higher just a bit.

"He's apologized for what he'd done all those years ago, but as a kid, that's not something you can just forget. After my brother was born, it was like my dad didn't want to be angry anymore, he wanted to be a better person for some reason. I was happy I didn't have to lock my door at night anymore but, I wanted him to want to be a better father for me.''

Before I could stop them, tears fell down my cheek and landed on my shirt. "I hated him, I still kinda do, but I pushed so much of it down, I just forgot it was there. I don't even want to visit him in the hospital." I look down at my shoes memorizing the lines on the sides.

"Mr. Kane, how do you feel about your father now?" I look at her "The right answer would be I love him, but I don't know if I do. I want to get over what he did but I can't seem to."

"Would you mind telling me what else he did?"

I looked around the room, staring at plaques and awards she had on the walls. "He's the reason my mother and brother are dead."

"You believe he's the cause?"

"I know he is, if he hadn't pushed her, if he would've just left her alone. She wouldn't have gotten in that car, he wouldn't have been in that car. She wouldn't have been driving down that street. They wouldn't have died."

"Mr. Kane how do you feel?"

I glanced at her then to the door, "I feel lighter" she smiled at me and then looked towards the clock. "Unfortunately we are out of time, but I want you to come back next week and we can finish this conversation if you'd like to continue coming?"

''I'd like that, thank you for listening to me."

"It was my pleasure Mr. Kane." She walked me out and when I left her office, I walk out to my car and sit there. I feel good, I feel like I can breathe.

While I sit in my car, my phone goes off. It's from Sean, I wonder what he wants. 

Texts

Sean:Hey, you wanna meet up I have some things I want to talk to you about?

Tristan: Sure. Where?

Sean: Mickey's Café on 11th street. Meet me there in 20

Oh damn.

When I arrive at the café I see Sean sitting by the window inside, maybe he wants to talk about Xander. I hope she's okay. I walk in the café and he waves me over. 

"Hey, what's up?'' he stares at me for a sec

"Enough formalities Tristan, I asked you here for a reason"

"Which is?"

"Let Xander go."

"Excuse me?"
"Let her go. She's so stuck on you that she didn't have any fun until the day of her birthday. You know how long that was? Seven damn months! You how hard it was to see her like that, walking around like a f*cking zombie!?"

I couldn't respond to that statement, I didn't know she was this miserable because of me 

"I didn't know.."

"What the hell do you mean you didn't know, of course you didn't, you're not there!"

"I love her Sean."

He looked at me blankly ''This isn't about you! This is about her, don't you think she deserves someone with their shit together?'' I nod not trusting my voic.

"Then Let. Her. go. She has so much going for her right now, you would only ruin that."

"What do I do?''

''Talk to her but make it the last time you do.''

''What if I can't?" 

''Then you'd be the most selfish man I have ever known.''

With that he got up and left, leaving me there with too much to think about. I love her with all everything in me. But she deserves better. And I can't give her that right now.

I get home and lay on my couch, I watch my phone until I get the courage to text Xander.

Tristan: We need to talk.

What did Tristan choose?

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Peace out lovebugs!