Can Dreams Come True?

Blurry days

I was in my room staring up at ceiling without any thoughts in my mind. Just watching the same old fan rotating above, never which fascinated me until now. I got distracted by the sound of my alarm going. If it was any other day, I would have thrown it across the room and said to myself few more minutes, But not now or maybe never. It seems I don't sleep anymore maybe 2 hours at top. I don't know why but I like to be myself locked in my room all day with nothing to do but to lay on bed and stare at ceiling or look at my laptop wallpaper. The wallpaper is of my family just us three smiling. I got up from my bed took a shower and headed out to go to office. I took my bottle of water and said goodbye to Aarushi who was in kitchen packing her lunchbox.

She also looks differently at me. I can see pity in her eyes for me, not just her but everyone even Aditya who used to tease me every second of my life now ask me if I am okay. I wanted to tell them to stop, stop pitying on me. Go back to how you were before, But I couldn't. It was like I could barely talk. I have lost my interest in everything I used to love before. It has been six months since that bloody awful day which I will never forget.

Everyone who meets me just say how sorry they are and how strong I am supposed to stay. I wanted to tell them No! you don't You don't know anything about my life. stop being sorry and pitying me and stop faking that you all care about me, But I couldn't, I just give them small smile and say it's okay. Like nothing happened.

I reached my office and went straight to my cabin. At office it feels a little better because everything is quiet and there is no one to disturb me. Also loading myself in work helps my mind to get diverted. Except for Karan who used to come by my cabin to ask how I was but now he has also stop due to my only yes and no answers. I was feeling sorry for not only him but for Aarushi and Aditya too. They were doing so much for me but nothing could make me smile and laugh
 It's not like I am doing it purposely but I don't want to fake it. It was 5 in the evening, I packed my things and went back home. That's how my day starts and end.

As usual I was on my bed staring at the celling. I checked my time it was 6.45 in the morning, 15 minutes to go. After 15 minutes my alarm didn't go off but it was Aarushi who storm in my room.

"GOOOODDDD MMOORRNNINGG !!" She said while opening the curtains.

"Trisha wakey wakey, come on get up we have lot to do today!! You do remember what day is today right?" she stood there with hands on her hips.

I pretended to rub my eyes so she could see that I was really asleep. What is today? I don't remember at all. I had stop counting the days and months long back ago. As I was quiet, she let a huge sigh. Poor Aari she was trying so hard to help me. She came by my side and started pulling me by my arm. She literally dragged me out of my room to living area

"Trisha today is my Birthday for god sake" today is 20th November of course it's her birthday.

Back when everything was normal, we used to celebrate it with me and her preparing her birthday cake, having small party just the 3 of us, ordering food and watching some awesome movie or some of our old school videos. But I guess not this year.

"Happy birthday Aarushi" I said with a fake smile and started heading towards my room.

"stop it Trisha just stop" she clutched my hand. I opened my mouth to say what but she kept on going.

"stop it okay ! I know what you are going through, and it's okay to grieve, but you don't dare to shut me, shut us. Have you seen yourself lately you never talk, never laugh, hardly eat, God knows what you do in that room? How many times I have come to cheer you, But you don't show any sign of coming from your God dam world. How many times Aditya made an attempt to make you laugh. In my entire life I have never seen him cry. That day he did. He cried for you."

That made my heart sink I looked at her she was crying I wanted to cry too but no tears were spilling out.

"........Do you ever wonder about Rahul he calls me every day to know how you are. Now I am tired of your whole- shutting- the- world- out thing." She wiped her tears and took a long breathe and then she continued. "Today is my birthday that means no more work we are going to make my birthday cake and also your favourite......"

she was going on and on I wanted to tell her to stop and this time I think I did it because she stopped. She was looking at me with  So now I continued

"Stop it Aarushi. I know it's your birthday not a big deal everyone has a birthday someday or other. Go and enjoy but don't drag me into it. You want to know why I am always locked into my room? It's because of you all people looking at me pettily. I hate that because at the end of the day no one cares and you think you know everything about me? than you are wrong you don't know. You don't know how it feels. No one knows how it feels. You don't know the pain of losing one's pare....

"TRISHA ENOUGH" that was Aditya's voice. 

That's when I knew I had crossed my line. If anyone ever knows the pain of losing someone's parents than that is Aarushi. She had lost her when we didn't even know what the real world was. She had gone through worse than me. I looked at her she was crying. I have never seen her like this. I wanted to hug her and apologize about what I said, but instead I went straight to my room and locked the the door behind me. The last thing I wanted to do was cry. I got up and opened my laptop and started staring at the wallpaper. How life was easy back then. Everyone in it looked so happy. I wish I could just turn back the time.

My thoughts were interrupted by knock on the door. I got up and open the door. It should be Aarushi.

" Look Aarushi I am sorry I shouldn't have said......"

"save your sorry speech for later, can I come in?"

That was Aditya. I let him in. He sat on my bed and I sat beside him

"Look I get it I really get what you are going through. What happened was not supposed to happen at least not in this cruel way. I don't think your parents want to see you grieve like this. Remember when we were small and my dog Snoopy had died and I had locked myself in my room, you were the one who came to me. You were the one who said 'when we love someone so much there comes a day in our life where we have to say them goodbye and let them go.' Back then we were only 12 years old now you are 25-year-old young lady. I don't like to see you like this. Please Trisha I am not telling you to forget what happen I am telling you to let it go and move on. Live the life that is ahead of you" I  nodded at him

"Now quickly give me a smile and come out Aarushi is waiting for you" I gave him small smile. As he was about to go out of my room he turned and looked down at me "Pikachu thunder bolt attack" and tousle my hair and went out. I giggled and I hugged him.

Maybe he is right I need to move on.