A Mermaid Tale Book 2 - The Deep (IN EDITING)

The Brick Wall

I’m sorry but this is not an update, in fact, I don’t expect there to be one for a long time. I’ve hit a brick wall, and I’ve hit it hard. I mean this of course in a mental way not physically otherwise I probably would not be able to write this message. The wall is a fictional image in my head, but I see it perfectly as if it were actually there. It’s big, red and has many bricks. In fact, it’s so big that I can’t even see what’s on the other side. Behind that brick wall is where my story ideas are and my passion for writing is found.  If you haven’t quite understood yet what I’m trying to say, let me explain it to you more simply: I no longer enjoy writing. Writing was once a dear love of mine, a very big passion that kept me busy for hours and even for days. I remember when I first signed up on Wattpad I would update my stories regularly and even create many new ones. I would write every day and sometimes even update more than once a week. I clearly recall that at one point my passion had completely consumed me, all I did every single day was focus on getting something published so that I could receive more reads, more votes and more followers.  Eventually my love for writing was mixed with a determination to reach Wattpad fame. At first, all I wanted was ten followers, then suddenly I wanted twenty, then fifty, then one hundred and fifty, I wanted the numbers to go up to three hundred, then I wanted five hundred, and now with over eight hundred followers I still don’t feel satisfied.  It’s the same thing for my amount of reads and votes, yes I have many, but I still don’t feel happy with it. It’s terrible thing to think. I should be feeling grateful that so many of you have taken the time to read my story, I should feel honored that I have achieved more on Wattpad in nearly two years than some people have done in five. But instead I feel discouraged, disappointed and sad. I supposed that my thirst for recognition and fame is what killed my passion for writing. I was so determined to find success that I wrote, and wrote and wrote, updated and updated and updated until finally I had had enough. And that is true, I have had enough.  Writing now feels like homework, something you hate doing but know it’s necessary. I don’t write for myself anymore, I write for you all, to please you all and it’s been taking a lot out of me. I worry if people will get mad if I don’t update at the right time, I fear that people will unfollow me and I’m scared that maybe my small success on this website will be short lived. I receive messages daily from some of you complaining that I have no yet posted another chapter and trust me, it hurts knowing that I am not doing what I promised. But you all need to understand that those pages that you read either on your PC, laptop, tablet, iPod or phone don’t just appear out of nowhere. They take time to create and write. I am my biggest critic and often I post things that do not satisfy me, but I do it anyway to please my fans, to please you. I know this text is long, but what I’m trying to make you understand is that this brick wall that has slowly built up in my head has been getting bigger every day and when I try to climb it in order to reach my writing passion on the other side, I fall flat on my back and get tired and give up for a while.  Nowadays when I try to write it just doesn’t work because I’m tired of doing it. So please, I know what I’m doing wrong, I know that I must update my stories but it’s getting difficult, I need support not criticism and complaints. I need help, encouragements because what I want most right now it to get my passion back even though it seems that it’s long gone. The last thing I want is to abandon not one, not two but all of my stories that I have not yet come close to finishing. If I face this brick wall alone it’s going to be nearly impossible to climb it, but maybe if we work together we can break it down and make it to the other side.

- NocteLamia101