BL One Shots

"I'm sorry" : Haikyuu - Sawamura Daichi x Sugawara Koushi

"I'm sorry."

  That was the last sentence he had heard from the love of his life. He hated it, despised it, even wanted to remove the existence of the sentence. Sugawara had left Daichi for good, and Daichi knew he would never come back, but how could Daichi possibly stop thinking about him? It was torturous. Flashes of his smile, his hair, echoes of his laughter, gentle touches of his hand on his face, Daichi could never stop thinking about the man, not even a single day, much less a minute. His mind was constantly filled with Sugawara, now that he was gone and out of his life. He really wanted to remove Sugawara from his mind, but he simply could not. So he went to see a physiatrist to get some medication to forget the man that haunts his night and day. Daichi placed the medicinal bottle back on the table, walking back to his arm chair where he dumped himself onto it, slumping further into the already deflated chair.

  No matter how many times he scratched out Sugawara's face on the pictures, or how many times he cursed and swore at Sugawara for bringing him to such a downfall, Daichi just could not bring himself to truly hate the man, he just really missed him. He just wanted it to stop, he just wanted the pain to stop exploding through his mind, through his body, through his soul. And then Daichi thought, 'if I can't hate you, I'll just erase you!' because is it not so much more pain-free if he had just completely forgotten about the existence of Sugawara? Daichi could never possibly bring himself to blame the innocent man, deep down inside his heart, he knew he was the one to blame, but if he were to say it out loud, he feared that his body might not take it and he would go into a state of dilemma.

  So Daichi tried, and he tried hard. He took the unlit cigar from the metal box beside his chair on the table, pressing down hard on the lighter's button several all times before he could finally light up the damned rat poison. He inhaled the first breath, exhaling the white puffs of smoke, just like how he wished he could exhale out the pain he was inflicted upon. He was at a state of loss, he swore that he would completely erase Sugawara from his mind, and yet here he was, unable to let go of the necklace that he had given Sugawara on their tenth anniversary. He watched the scene outside the window, the white puffs of smoke like tendrils curling and dancing it's way up to the ceiling with feline grace, while the gentle white dots floated its way down to the ground, strikingly akin to a jellyfish at the moment. And he realised, that the snowflakes were just like Sugawara, gentle, graceful, loving, but also so far away. He could only pitifully watch the snowflakes dance away in the sky behind a window panel, he would never be able to touch them with his bare hands ever again. He crushed the half-finished cigar, eliminating any chances of a possible fire break out.

  Oh how I miss you, how I miss you dearly.

  Daichi stood up, walking into his bedroom where he plopped himself onto the suddenly extremely big bed. It was no longer warm, and had no welcoming invitation. Daichi hated every inch of it, he decided that he would get a new bed tomorrow. Drowsiness kicked him hard in the back and he found himself yawning, he was exhausted. Reluctantly, Daichi slipped under the covers, laying down on the side of their—no, his—bed. However, no matter how tired the young chap was, he just could not get some proper rest, as each time he closed his eyes, he could see the clear vision of Sugawara's face, a beautiful and gentle smile hooked on his beautifully shaped face. Oh just how long did Daichi have to wait, how many sleepless nights must he spend, just to see you and to meet you again?

  Perhaps, tonight, could be his last night. Daichi slowly breathed in, exhaling and feeling much relief. He laid on his side, facing the empty side of the bed, and smiled. The room was greeted with silence. And so was Daichi's mind.

On the table in the kitchen, there, laid an empty bottle of selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors*. Pictures of Sugawara were loosely stuck to every wall in the house, words of pain and love scribbled on the walls. 'I love you', 'please come back,' 'why did you go' and 'I miss you.'

Sawamura Daichi was known as the mad lover of the house. And he lived up to his name until the day he died.

*selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors are drugs commonly used to fight against depression.

--

I feel that tone should be free to interpret this story as they see fit.
How I see my story is that, Sugawara had died protecting Daichi in some manner, and now he is constantly haunted by Sugawara. He constantly misses and thinks of Sugawara until one day he can no longer take the madness he is putting himself through and eventually kills himself by having a drug overdose. This is my own view on my own story.
You can even see it as Sugawara heartlessly breaking up with Daichi for another man and Daichi ends up losing his sanity and what not. It's a very depressing story.