Pushed To The Edge (Bon X Rin)

Chapter 6

"W-why am I... Why am I alive? No, no,  no, I'm suppose to be dead! I'm supposed to be free of this hell!! I just wanted to be at peace!!!"

  I stared down at him in shock. I finally understood jut how much damage our actions had caused.

"I'm sorry...."
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Rin's P.O.V.

   Why was I still alive? I was supposed to be dead! I was supposed to be free of this hell! Nonononononono this cannot be happening! They're all gonna know I tried to kill my self and they'll treat me even worse. I could practically hear their venomous words dripping past my ears.

"You tried to kill yourself? And you're still alive? Geez you're even more pathetic than we thought, you can't even off yourself correctly."

"You were just trying to get attention. As if you don't already get enough special treatment, you filthy demon scum!"

"Even Satan doesn't want you. Why else would you be alive? God obviously doesn't want you, and I'll bet Satan thought you were even too unbearable for him. The only reason you survived is cause nobody wanted to have to deal with you for the rest of eternity."

  Their sneers echoed in my ears. Even though I knew they had never said those things, it still felt like they had. Tears welled in my eyes and I started gasping for air. Shit, a panic attack! Why now?! I couldn't breathe! I couldn't breathe! Oh god, I'm suffocating! I know I wanted to die but not this way!

"in- ease-alm-own! Rin!"

  I could hear someone beside me trying to talk to me, but I was freaking out so much that I only was able to hear bits of what he was saying.

"in- R-n-RIN!!"

  I heard them call my name. Damn, that voice sounded familiar. Who was it? Warmth spread throughout my body as I felt a pair of arms wrap around me.

"Shh, it's okay. I've got you. You're alive and I'm not going to let anyone say anything about you ever again."

I started breathing again and gasped for as much air as I could get. The person kept whispering soothing words into my ear until I had fully calmed down.

"Okumura, can you please look up at me," he asked gently.

I shook my head, which was buried in the crook of his neck. I was too scared of who I'd see if I lifted my head. I wanted to believe this person actually cared whether I was okay or not. I wanted to believe they wouldn't hurt me. But if I looked up, I knew I wouldn't be able to believe that anymore.

"Please, just look at me. I need to know you're okay."

I sighed, and fought back more tears as I reluctantly lifted my head so he could see me, although kept my gaze lowered.

"Why won't you look at me?"

I just shook my head and kept my eyes facing downward. I heard him sigh as he placed a hand on under my chin. He pushed my head upward forcing me to meet his gaze. He gasped quietly when he saw my eyes. I'm not quite sure what he was expecting to find in my eyes, but whatever it was, clearly wasn't there. He bit his lip and looked down almost...guiltily?...no way... I must be mistaking it for something else. He'd never feel guilty for what he did to me.