His Tiny Dancer [COMPLETED]

I

Dedication: To Riley Wolf, for inspiring those who knew her even after she passed. We dance for Riley.

The Nutcracker march begins to play from the orchestra pit at my feet and the lights go up, illuminating the stage and those on it. I exhale as my fellow cast members and I come to life, glowing with the mood of a Christmas party. I bow my head and bend my knees, shaping my back foot in it's hard shoe, curtsying to the young boy in front of me playing my younger brother. We rise and I finally get to glance at the audience as I pan the scene in search for the older man playing my magical Uncle Drosselmeyer. The darkness of the theater contrasts the bright stage lights but I am still able to make out many of the faces watching my every move, many of those faces being small girls younger than me. I hear the musical cue which tells me to notice Drosselmeyer, so my face lights up with excitement at his appearance and I run to him, him lifting me off my feet. The party continues and I keep an excited smile on my face the whole time, living the role of Clara. Soon comes the end of the party, which means I have about twenty seconds to run off stage, change into my nightgown, and run back on. When I do, I realize this is the one moment I am on stage all by myself, and with that comes the realization that every single eye in this room is trained on me. But that doesn't make me nervous, it only excites me. This is what it feels like to be the star of a ballet, to be a principal dancer in a big-name company. This is who I want to be.

The ballet is over much faster than I wish, even though I have two more shows just today. I wait in the wings to bow with my Nutcracker Prince, a handsome man in his early twenties who definitely looks a bit older than myself - fourteen-year-old Clara - but the audience will just have to imagine. The performers in front of me bow, and I take my cue to run out of the wings, pause at the clearing at the center of the stage to join hands with my Nutcracker Prince, and run to the edge of the stage. I am overjoyed as I slowly curtsy to the audience in thanks, soaking in the fact that all of the applause I am hearing is for me. Not for a group of dancers which happens to include me, but for me. And it feels like warmth is flooding into my heart as my smile grows more than I thought possible, especially after smiling constantly for the past two hours. I turn and gesture to the Prince standing next to me and he acknowledges the audience with a slight bow of his head. We walk to our place in the crowd of dancers and I stand next to Riley in her Chinese Soloist costume. We take one more bow together, led by the Sugarplum Fairy, and as the curtain begins to close on the last of the applause echoing through the theater, I realize I get to do this five more times this weekend.

But it will never be enough.

~Monday, January 3rd~

"I don't know, I just feel like I want it a little shorter, but I'm scared that if I cut it it will be too short when I curl it. You know?" Olivia speculates about her gorgeous golden locks. She's seriously beautiful, and I'm really not sure how we came to be best friends when in my opinion she's the prettiest girl at this school, and I'm just... average. I'm not ugly, my long brown hair and soft green eyes pairing with my slim but short frame, but Olivia is just another level of perfect. We've been best friends for as long as I can remember though, and little kids don't normally care about looks, more about who has the sparkliest pink toy pony.

"Yeah, I see where you're coming from. I wish I could cut my hair really short so it's easier to manage, but then I wouldn't be able to put it in a proper bun," I reply.

"You and your dancer problems," Olivia says jokingly, making me laugh lightly.

"Good morning, girls." Immediately my pleasant mood deflates at the addition of Andrew to our conversation.

"Good morning, how was your vacation?" I say as kindly as I can, trying to give him all the chances I can even though he's run out.

"Not too bad, though I had to spend all my time with my family in New Hampshire, especially my annoying little cousins," he says with a playful eye roll. I catch a not-so-playful eye roll from Olivia and stifle back a laugh.