His Tiny Dancer [COMPLETED]

XLVIII

~Sunday, May 15th~

"Just checking up on Noah, has anything changed since I last checked in?" The doctor asks me.

"No, he hasn't moved or anything," I say as I let go of Noah's hand and stand up out of the chair to get out of his way.

"I'll just take a quick look at his vitals now and have one of his nurses check back in later," he says and starts looking at all the different machines Noah is hooked up to, writing notes on a clipboard. I stand a few feet away from the bed, trying not to feel awkward as he does his job. "Are you his girlfriend?" He asks, trying to start up smalltalk.

"Yeah, I am," I respond with a small smile as the doctor pauses his work to glance at me.

"I'm sure you love him a lot, if you're willing to spend so much time with him like this. I understand that it's difficult to see a loved one like this, but I'm sure he appreciates the company," he says after turning back to his work and continuing to read numbers and take notes. I'm a little taken aback, but I respond nonetheless.

"It's not easy, but I know he'd do the same for me," I say quietly. I find myself content with the fact that I truly am doing everything that I can to help Noah. I'm not failing him, because I'm doing everything that he would be doing for me. I'm spending my time with him, talking to him, and I'll be here when he wakes up. He's not going anywhere. He will wake up and live life again. He will. Just not yet.

But the doctor's words still puzzle me.

Do I love Noah?

What does love feel like? Is it the warmth I feel in my stomach every time I see his name on my phone? Is it the calmness that takes over my mood when he's near? Is it the hope and excitement I feel for the future when I think about what our lives could be like together? Is it the way that I can never get him out of my head, no matter what else I'm supposed to be focused on? Is it the comfort in knowing that he does and always will accept me for who I am, and be there to support me as I grow?

Or maybe instead, it's the hollowness I feel when he isn't around. The fear I feel that something might not work out and one day I'll say goodbye to him to never say hello again. Or the ache I feel in my chest everytime I think about his pain, or see him lying in this hospital bed.

I do, I love him.

"Well, everything seems to be fine still. We aren't quite sure why he's still unconscious, but as time passes it becomes more likely that this is a coma caused by the hit he took to his left temple, and less likely that he is unconscious due to shock from the traumatic experience. Unfortunately, either way there isn't much we can do besides make sure his vitals are regular, and wait." I nod my head in understanding, not having anything worth responding. "A nurse will be back in in a bit to check up on him, in the meantime if anything happens or something seems off, feel free to hit-"

Before his doctor can finish speaking and leaving the room, something catches his attention and he is forced to stay. The doctor presses the call button on the side of Noah's bed.

I feel the adrenaline beginning to flow through my veins as I instinctively panic.

"I need you to leave the room, miss."

I start to take a few steps backwards towards the door, but don't remove my eyes from the scene before me. Multiple nurses barge through the door. Noah's bed is surrounded by people, but none of them are me. I watch immobilized as he is blocked from my view.

My vision is blocked again, now by a nurse's face whose attention is on me.

"Miss, you need to leave now," she says. Her hand on my shoulder snaps me back into full awareness.