Secret [Yoonseok]

Chapter 11: I Need To Ask You Something

Yoongi stayed contemplating the situation until he could see the yellow and orange rays of the morning sun. No matter what excuse he came up with to avoid the situation, it always came back to the conversation with Jimin. He couldn't do it anymore, he was at the point of breaking and was almost going insane because of it. Today was the day Yoongi was going to ask Hoseok to make their relationship public at least to the members. At this moment Yoongi's heart is about to explode due to the nervousness he feels. He began to get up from the bed making sure not to wake Hoseok up. But unfortunately for Yoongi the attempt failed and Hoseok ended up waking up.

"Baby? I didn't know you were an early riser?" Hoseok chuckled while lazily rubbing his eyes.

Yoongi became paralyzed, he didn't know how to act. He wish time would stop until he was mentally prepared for the situation, but if that were the case time stay frozen for eternity. He couldn't do it, no way he could! Yoongi became lost in his thoughts to even notice Hoseok looking at him worriedly.

"Yoongi? Baby, what's wrong?" Hoseok asked, his voice soaked in concern and worry.

Yoongi turned to Hoseok as Hoseok sat up in bed with his eyes squinted. He gave the bravest smile he could, trying to make Hoseok less concerned.

"Nothing. I'm just thinking about the concert! I'm really nervous." Yoongi lied.

"Oh! I know! It's our last one for this album! But once we do it we are going to have more free time." Hoseok said ignorantly believing Yoongi. "After the concert we should go on a date!" Hoseok added.

"Yea. We should." Yoongi said softly.

"Now, come back to bed! There is still a lot of time before the practice rehearsal!" Hoseok whined.

Yoongi stayed silent for a couple of seconds which in his mind felt like hours. His resolve became unclear at this moment, there was a brick wall forming in front of him, making the path almost uncrossable. But he needed to do it. He really needed to say something to put an end to the uneasiness he has been feeling for so long.

"Yoongi? Do you have something else in your mind?" Hoseok asked.

"I.... Need to ask you something." Yoongi said very quietly.

"What is it?" Hoseok questioned

"Do you love me?"Yoongi asked trying to sound less panicked than he was.

Hoseok gave Yoongi a confused look and replied," Baby? Do you even have to ask that question? Of course! Of course I love you!" Hoseok reached for Yoongi's hand, caressing it to give him comfort.

"Really?" Yoongi stayed silent looking at the ground for a few seconds before continuing. "Would you still love me if the word were to get out that we are dating?" he hesitantly asked.

The room was now becoming filled with uncomfortable silence for quite a while before Yoongi got the courage to look Hoseok in the eyes. As he did he noticed Hoseok face went pale and his eyebrows were furrowed like if he was angry or very confused, maybe even disgusted?

"Why are you asking that?" Hoseok asked with a hint of anger and worry laced in that sentence.

"I w-was just thinki-" Yoongi was explaining before he was interrupted.

"You know.... You are saying some troubling things?" Hoseok uttered.

"Am I?" Yoongi was becoming a mixing pot of emotions. He felt angry, confused, alone, used, crazy, fearful, anxious, and worst of all immensely saddend. But he masked the sadness with anger, as he knew how to do so well. "Is it really troubling to think that I want something more than this! I want something sure, I want something that we don't have to hid because of our sexual preferences!"

"Why not? Why can we have this, and just this? You don't think our relationship is strong enough to last? Don't you trust me? Don't you trust us?" Hoseok argued. 

"Our relationship might last but I don't want to do something you are ashamed of!" Yoongi replied as calmly as he could with tears in his eyes threatening to fall out.

"Baby, I'm not ashamed of us." Hoseok comforted trying to pull Yoongi into a hug but as soon as he reached out Yoongi jerked away.

"So if the word were to get out that we were dating would you deny it?" Yoongi angrily asked. The answer he would like to hear is no. How his heart wished that were it but deep down inside he knew the real answer. He knew how things would end up. He knew now his cloud was a lie, it was blinding him from reality. He didn't want Hoseok to out himself to the world, but he didn't want a to keep lying to his group. He didn't want to be in a relationship where he was always unsure and felt like he wasn't worth the person's time. He didn't want Hoseok to out himself if he wasn't ready, that's why the relationship will end sooner or later. Because the word will get our someday and he doesn't want that for Hoseok.

"Yes! Of course I would!" Hoseok stated also getting becoming angry. "Korea isn't that accepting of gay people! What do you think they will say?! What would happen to our careers?! What about our families?!! Do you even know what you are saying right now? Do you know what you are asking of me??!" he added justifying his response.  

"So this was never nothing serious?! Why do you care what everyone else says? Why did you even say yes when I confessed?! Why didn't you just let me down easily, so this would never happen? So that my feelings wouldn't get fucked up?! Why?" tears began to roll out of Yoongi's eyes. His eyes were furrowed and his lips were quivering as salty tears slid down them.

"Don't say that! I LOVE you! I would of said yes if I didn't!" Hoseok exclaimed! He tried once gain to pull Yoongi into a hug but as his arms were wrapped around his back Yoongi pushed him away. Yoongi becoming even more pissed and saddened with every passing second.

"But someday the word will get out eventually.... Then what?" Yoongi reasoned getting up from the bed as Hoseok continuously tried to pull him into his arms.

"What are you saying?" Hoseok questioned with confusion in his eyes. He also slowly began to get up from the bed. "Do you mean that our relationship will never work?..... Do you want to break up?" Hoseok asked looking into Yoongi's eyes as he sat down on the edge of the bed with his feet touching the cold floor.

"Do you?" Yoongi retorted.

Hoseok stayed silent for a few seconds. It was true that someday someone Will find out. Hoseok isn't ready to deal with that yet. He didn't know how to answer that question. On the other hand Yoongi couldn't believe Hoseok was still thinking about it, he knew it would but hopelessly and stupidly hoped for something different.

"I'm going to leave my room... And when I come back I don't want to see you." Yoongi sighed and tried to stand firm. Unlike how he actually felt, internally he has completely broken down. His heart felt stomped on, and he felt so dumb.

"Wait!" Hoseok was shocked at that reply.

Yoongi didn't listen and walked out of the hotel room not knowing where to go. He just wanted to walk. He wanted to go somewhere alone. Somewhere where he could stay forever and escape this moment. Somewhere where he could break down and not make the members worry about him. Be felt so beaten down, he wanted I die. He couldn't even walk straight as he was weak and the tears welling up in his eyes impaired his vision. Right now he wanted to scream to shout to kick everything. He wanted to escape but he couldn't.

A/N

I'm sorry 😂😢😢