I woke up in the morning and started making breakfast. Last night Bruno and I had so much fun celebrating our engagement. We didn't come out of the bedroom. It was amazing.
I had just finished the pancakes when the doorbell rang. I walked over and answered it. I was shocked at who was standing there. My best friend, Chanel, from home was looking at me with a smile.
I smiled at her and shrieked with excitement. "Oh my god! Chanel! What are you doing here?" I asked hugging her.
"I came to see you. Can I come in?"
"Oh of course. Yes. Come in." I said. She walked in and I shut the door.
"So this your place?" she asked.
"No. Well yes. Sort of. Its mine and Bruno's place." I said. "It's pretty nice huh?"
"I'd say. Its amazing." she said. "He has some good tastes."
"Oh look at this." I said holding my hand out to show the engagement ring. Her jaw dropped as she took my hand so she could get a better look at the ring.
"Oh my god. You're engaged?" she asked.
"Yeah. Bruno asked me yesterday. What do you think?"
She laughed. "I think I'm happy for you. My best friends getting married!" she hugged me tightly and we both laughed excitedly together.
"Baby, do I smell pancakes?" Bruno asked walking into the kitchen. He stopped when he saw chanel. "Sorry. I didn't know we had company." he said.
"Yeah. Baby this is my best friend from home, Chanel. Chanel this is my fiance Bruno."
"It's nice to finally meet You. I've heard a lot about you." Bruno said shaking her hand. He was just in boxers. "Well this is awkward. I'm gonna go put some clothes on. I'll be back." he walked out of the kitchen.
"Oh my gosh. Wow. He's really something." Chanel said.
"Yeah. I kinda like him." I said smiling. "So you have breakfast yet?"
"No. I just got in this morning." she said.
"Well join us. There's plenty here." I told her.
"Oh I don't wanna intrude."
"Don't be ridiculous. Wed love to have you." I said.
"Okay." she said.
We sat down and Bruno came back in and say down beside me and kissed me on the cheek.
"Bruno I told Chanel she could stay for breakfast." I said.
"Oh good. I love meeting Katie's friends." he said.
"You know, you're a lot different than I expected." Chanel said to Bruno.
"How's that?"
"I thought you were a player." she said.
"I used to be. But then I found Katie and I haven't been that way in two years." he said.
"I never thought youd find someone like him katie. Especially after what happened with roman and the baby. I thought you were gonna swear off men forever." she said.
I lost my smile. She better not say it. That was the little secret I had.
"Wait. What are you talking about?" Bruno asked.
Crap!
"You know, when Katie lost that baby. I still think that baby would have been cute but I think your babies will be cuter." she said.
Shit! She said it.
"You don't say." Bruno said. I could feel his eyes on me but I didn't look at him. I was in some deep trouble now. "Um, I just remembered I have to go to the studio. I'll see you later. It was nice meeting you Chanel." he said Before walking out of the house.
I looked at Chanel. "Sorry." she said. "I thought he knew."
"No. I never told him that." I said.
"I'm really sorry."
"It's alright. I probably should have told him." I said.
"Why didn't you?"
I shrugged. "I don't know."
-
Chanel had left to go to her hotel room but she was gonna be back later. That was good because I needed to clear the air with Bruno on this whole baby thing. He was really upset with me and I couldn't blame him. I would be upset too if he had a secret like that.
I was sitting in the bedroom on the bed just looking at a picture of me and Roman with the ultrasound picture we had. It was a time I wanted to forget. I mean it was probably the hardest time I ever had and I knew that was why Roman was still stuck on me.
"We're you ever gonna tell me?"
I looked up to see Bruno standing in the doorway with his arms crossed.
I stood up and walked over to him slowly. "I don't know." I said. "Bruno, it was a hard time for me. And as much as I don't wanna relive it, I'll tell you. If you really wanna know."
"I do wanna know." he said
I let out a breath and handed Bruno the picture. He took it and looked at it without smiling. "I was 36 weeks pregnant when I lost the baby. It was a little girl. We were gonna name her Mia. But I was in a car accident and it was pretty bad. The baby was gone once my car collided with the other one. I lost my baby because of some drunk idiot. She was our miracle. When my doctor told me that I wasn't gonna be able to have a baby I was depressed until we found out about Mia. And when I lost her I thought that was it. I'm never gonna have another baby. I can't. And I'll never be able to get my baby back. She's gone forever. Just like that. I was dark for a long time After that and I know that's why Roman cheated. I pushed him to it." I said. "I hate thinking about her. I hate remembering her because it takes me back to that moment and that feeling of heartache on that level, that's something I would never wish on anyone." I said. I wiped away a tear. "So now you know."
"That's why when Roman got another girl pregnant you were heartbroken." he said putting it all together.
"I'll always care for him because of Mia. That's something I'll never have with anyone else. We share a bond but I don't love him. I love you. And I'll love you forever. And I chess I understand if you don't wanna be with me now. I know I've put you through a lot and this secret might be too much."
"Woah. I might be upset about this but that doesn't mean I don't wanna be with you. I just don't understand why you felt you couldn't tell me." He said
"Because. Bruno I'll never be able to give you a family. Mia may have been my only one and now she's gone." I said.
"So we'll get a second opinion and a third. If you are never able to give me a child then that's okay. We can adopt. I'm not worried about it. As long as I have you that's all I need." he said.
"I love you for that but one day you're gonna wake up and realize that I'm not enough. You'll realize that you want a family and you'll want one I can't give to you." I said.
"Baby this doesn't change anything."
"You're wrong. It changes everything. It already has." I said.
I walked out Of the house and got in my car driving away. No matter what I did I just kept burying myself a bigger hole. But the truth was bound to come out eventually. I'm just glad it did before we were married. I didn't wanna be another person who got a divorce.
-
I shut the car off and got out. I was at Mia's grave. It was the first time I had been here in quite a while. I hadn't been there since I met Bruno. It was horrible I know. But I didn't wanna be reminded of the pain anymore.
I sat down in front of the stone and looked at it. There were envelopes taped to the stone with Romans handwriting on it. There was even teddy bears and flowers.
"Hey."
I turned my head to see Roman walking toward me with another envelope in his hand.
"Hey." I said.
He sat down beside me. "How you doing?" he asked.
"I've been better." I said. "I didn't know you still came out here."
"Yeah. I come out here twice a month. At least I try." he said.
"Do you remember the first time we got to see her?" I asked as a tear escaped my eye.
"Of course. She was so tiny but she was beautiful. She looked like you." He said.
"Yeah." I sniffled. "I would give anything to have her back."
"Yeah. Me too." he said.
"Why did she have to die? Why couldn't it have been me? Why did God have to take our baby?"
He put his arm around me and I cried in his chest. "I don't know. I ask myself that every day."
-
I walked through the front door of mine And Bruno's place. I had gotten it all out of my system and I was determined to make my baby girl proud of me. I was gonna make things right with Bruno and I was gonna do everything I could to give him a family.
"Hey." Bruno said as I walked in the bedroom.
"Hi." I said with a small smile. I sat down beside him on the bed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"You know, I was sitting here thinking about everything we've been through And over come and I think we can over come this. I'm sorry I freaked out." he said.
"It's okay." I said. "I went to Mia's grave and I realized that I could probably have more kids but I'm scared to. I don't think I could go through that pain twice."
"It's not gonna happen again."
"You don't know that. We don't know what every day will bring. Every morning we wake up could be the last. And I think what I'm mostly afraid of is losing the memory of Mia. Losing the way she looked when I got to hold her. The way I used to feel her kick. Her heartbeat. She's my daughter. How horrible of a mother would I be if I forgot all those things?" I asked.
"Baby you'll never lose those memories. She's still with you. She always will be and she'll always your daughter. Nothing will ever change that." he said.
"You sound like Roman. I ran into him at the cemetery. I still can't believe he still goes there." I said.
"Well it was his daughter too." He said. "If you need to take time and go out there with him you do it. When was the last time you were out there anyway?"
"Before I met you." I said.
"Wow. You went that long without going to your daughter's grave?"
"Yeah. I just didn't wanna be reminded of it anymore. That pain was unbearable." I said.
"I can only imagine." He said.
I hugged him and he held onto me tightly kissing my head.
"I love you so much." he said.
"I love you too." I said.
