Good Things

prosthetics & sadness

Dr. Madden comes to retrieve me early the next morning, and I have to peel myself away from a sleeping Evan. Dr. Madden supports my left side and encourages me to use my functioning leg. He places me in a wheelchair near my room. The pain is overwhelming.
"We are looking into getting you a prosthetic. I'll call you when I can make an appointment with a certified doctor in that office. For now, you should hang around the hospital for the morning, and depending on how your head and ribs do, you may be able to go home. You'll have to check in frequently though."
I nod at the good news and wheel myself back into my room. Evan is awake, and whoever is on the couch has rolled over into the blankets, making it impossible for me to identify them.
"Hey. How you doing?" His voice is rough with worry and exhaustion.
"Uh. Fine I guess. My ribs hurt and I keep feeling pain in my leg but it's not there so."
"I'm so sorry," Evan looks up at me with tears in his eyes. "I would trade places with you I swear. I, I'm sorry Jo," the tears let loose and roll down his cheeks. I wheel closer to him and wipe them with my thumb.
"Evan. It's not your fault." I grab his hand.
"I know and there's nothing I can do to make it better but I feel bad."
"For what? For me?"
"No. I just... I feel bad for not asking you to be my girlfriend before. I wanted to but I was scared. And I figured, when you come home from the photoshoot, you'll be in good spirits and that would be a good time to ask you. But you almost died. I almost lost you. I don't know what I would have done."
"I didn't almost die Evan. I'm still here."
"I know. I know. I'm sorry. Gosh," he wipes at his eyes with one hand, the other still under mine. He looks up at me, all the regret in the world in his eyes. In one instant, I lean in. He's too close and too amazing for me not to take the opportunity. I kiss Evan Gatton. He kisses me back.
When we finally pull away, he gazes into my eyes for a few seconds. Then I feel a hand on the stump that is my left leg. He looks down at it, pausing, and looks back to me.
"We're gonna figure this out."
"I know."
He pulls me out of the wheelchair and next to him. We sit like that for a while, both reading our own magazines. When we finish, we look to the tv in the room. About two hours later, Dr. Madden comes in.
"I was able to get in touch with the prosthetics department. I've taken your measurements so that they can start designing a leg for you. I will call you when it's ready. For now, use this wheelchair and the pair of crutches that the nurse gives you and you're free to go home."
"I'm free to go home," I repeat, unsure because of the pain.
"Of course. Just be careful. You'll most likely need help doing certain things. Bathing, cooking, getting dressed. And absolutely no driving," he gives a genuine smile and leaves the room. Evan places me into my wheelchair and we begin to roll out of the room. A scale sits on the floor near the bathroom.
"Hey can you help me into the scale?"
"Sure."
It reads 115 pounds. 15 pound less than last time.
"Thanks," I smile at Evan. "Shouldn't we wake up that person on the couch though?"
"Oh. Yeah. Savana wake up!"
Savana stirs and rolls over. When she sees me, she jumps out of bed. Her long blonde hair is in knots and her clothes are rumpled from sleeping on the couch. She runs to me.
"O. My. God. Does it hurt? Did it bleed? You were asleep forever. How did.." Evan grabs her wrist in the middle of her next question. My head is spinning.
"Ask her them another time. She can't process everything at once."
Savana nods. "I'm staying with Amily so I'll see you at the house."
"Okay," I smile, feeling like I could puke.
The drive home is scary. Cars are moving too fast. Intersections cause screams of terror to rise from my throat. And the sound of the car horn plays over and over in my head. Evan grips my hand tightly, though I wish he would keep two hands on the wheel. I close my eyes, and somehow I drift to sleep.
I wake in our driveway, Evan opens the door and gets the wheelchair ready.
"Okay. All set. Amily isn't home so you can chill for a while. Get settled back in."
"How long has it been?"
"Not long. A day maybe?"
"Oh. Feels like forever." I think about the familiar smell of my room and I get excited. I picture my closet, my bed, my goldfish. "Evan, did you feed my goldfish yesterday?"
"Yeah of course." He wheels me through the front door. The smell of spaghetti hits me. Evan had a meal prepared.
"How?"
"I picked up the ingredients and Amily cooked it while I was with you." He pushes one of the chairs at the table away so that he can push me closer. I down the plate of spaghetti prepared for me. It tastes amazing, but I feel bad for eating it. Surely I'll throw it up later.
I shake that thought out of my head and push back from the table far enough to reach my crutches. I grab them as quietly as I can and stand up. Evan sits on the couch, his back facing me. He's watching an action movie of some kind, and he's totally enthralled. I use the crutches to sneak up behind him and cover his eyes.
"Good movie?" I ask jokingly.
"Yeah it is. Come sit," he pushes off my fingers. I come around the couch and he slides over, making room for me. I fall onto the couch very ungraciously.
"Easy," he wraps me into his chest.
We sit watching the movie for a while. The characters chase each other through the city, in cars, on the street. They do whatever it takes. So when the evil girl hijacks a car and the other girl wrecks into her, I screech and cover my eyes. Not something I want to see. I push myself off the couch, using just my hands and my leg. I get pretty far before I fall. Hard. Evan is there in an instant, picking me up off the ground, wiping away my tears, turning off the movie.
"Jo, please," he tries to calm me as I lay on the ground in a helpless heap, tears coming out like waterfalls. "Calm down. I'm here." After several seconds I calm down. My heavy sobs turn to slow breaths.
"I'm sorry. Can I go to my room?"
"Yeah. Here are your crutches," he helps me get settled into bed and closes my bedroom door, leaving me alone for the first time since the accident.
I lie in my bed, comforters crowding me. The gravity of my new life; the life of crutches and one leg and helplessness; hits me. I cry until I fall asleep.