Good Things

surprises

-6:30 a.m.-

I pull up to Evan's apartment with a fresh batch of chocolate donuts, his favorites. I'm going to apologize for how I reacted, and ask him to move in with me. I imagine his face when I open the front door. His mouth wide and his eyes bright. He'll pull me into an embrace and gladly except my offer. We'll start a new part of our lives together. I've never loved anyone like this.
I reach under the mat to grab the house key he left. A smudge of dirt gets on my blue jean overalls and I wipe it off the best I can. My outfit today consists of overalls and a vintage, lucky charms tshirt that Evan bought for me. His exact words; "This outfit is so LA." and we proceeded to laughing our heads off.

My hands are shaking too much for me to put the key into the lock. I giggle and my hand flies to my mouth. I'm not so good at surprises. I finally get it in and turn the knob. The door opens and the smell of that same perfume hits my nose. Strong. I set the key on the counter and go to the back of the house, to Evans door. A loud, banging sound comes from his room. Startled, I run to the bathroom across the hall. Without the lights on, I try to convince myself that it isn't what I think. Deep breaths. In, out, in...
When the darkness engulfs me, I flip on the switch. A woman's red shirt lies on the floor in a crumpled heap, along with black stilettos. I drop the donut box and sprint as fast as my leg will allow to Evans door. I thrust it open.
Evans figure, hunched over, faces away from me. A strand of golden locks falls on the pillow.

They move in what seems like slow motion. The beautiful waves in his hair bounce as he goes back and forth. The black blanket that I'd slept under so many times is wrapped around them. Binding them together in this bed. I watch, motionless while my heart shatters.

On the dresser near the door sits a vase with flowers I got Evan a few days ago. When it hits the window, glass explodes.

Evan flies from atop this woman, giving me a clear view of her face. Before I can say anything, Evan rushes to stand next to me, naked, trying to force me into the living room. He tries to bloc my view of what;s going on. 
"Please let me explain. Jo," he reaches to grab my hand.
"Don't touch me," I snarl.
"Look at me," he tries to lift my head, but I stare hard at the ground.
"I can't. Don't touch me. Don't look at me. I can't even be around you right now," my face gets hot. He backs off and looks around. I take this chance to go back into his room. An awful mistake, I realize as I see her picking up her underwear from the floor and her jeans from the dresser. My world collapses more each second. She whisks past me and the perfume I smelled is mixed with sweat. She touches Evan's hand as she passes him and goes out the door. That gesture sends me into a second fit of rage. I scream at her, at him, at everything. He stands in the doorway, the man I love, acting like a stranger. I scream until I'm tired of it. 
"Jo.."
"DONT SAY MY NAME!"
"Please.. just.."
"SHUT UP!" I scream the words as loud as I can.
"Josephine. Look," he reaches for me. It hurts to see him so broken, but I can't feel compassion for him now.
"No Evan. I won't look. I can't even be around you. You make me sick," he backs into his room, clearly startled by how forceful I am.  I poke a finger in his chest. "Evan I love you. I loved you. And you just. You just." I can't finish the sentence. My legs feel like jello. He chose a waitress over me, and she was under my nose the whole time.

"What was I supposed to do? She's smart and kind and funny," he stops when he sees my mouth drop. His words dig into my skin like a knife. He leans down to grab his boxers and I look away. Here I was, thinking that I was all of those things. But the boy I love is talking about a different girl. "Rachel is... I mean. I'm sorry. Sometimes it all gets to be too much. I couldn't handle being with you. We couldn't do anything I wanted to do because you're handicap and honestly, you can't blame me. I'm sorry."
No words come from my mouth. Just a sigh, meant to be a laugh. The words he says are funny to me. I was the girl he loved. I know it. I refuse to believe any different. The dresses, the dates. He LOVED me. Right?
"Josephine, we'll figure this out. Please forgive.." I cut him off with a slap to his face.
"You're an idiot," it comes out in a whisper, meant to be a yell.
"Please, Jo," sorrow fills his eyes, and anger fills mine. He stands with his back to the shattered glass. I shove him hard.
He steps into the glass and screeches.
His feet and hands start bleeding and I stumble back. My jaw drops as I realize what I just did.
"Oh god." I run into the kitchen and grab a towel. When I get back he sits on the bed, picking glass from his feet. I sit, pressing the towel to his feet for what seems like way too long. He glares at me. My hair sticks to my wet cheeks and my face is hot.
"I'm sorry," his deep voice breaks the silence and his gaze never wanders from my eyes.
"No. You're not," I say it calmly, the opposite of how I feel.
"Yes. I am," he nods his head.
"Evan, you are not. This isn't the first time. Am I right?"
"Yeah but I'm sorry."
"Yeah. Okay," a fresh set of tears come rolling down my cheeks and I remove the towel from his feet. I can't help but think about how I was right that night that he was with Savana. She had covered for him. "I have to go," I mumble as a new kind of anger runs through me. Betrayal.
He reaches out to stop me, but I keep going.

***

I park my car right behind Savana's so that she can't leave. My face is blotchy and my hands are shaky as I unlock the door. She stands in the kitchen, grabbing the last of what Amily left for her. When she hears me set down my keys, she turns.
"Hey girl what's..." she stops mid sentence. Looking at her kills me, but it seems she already knows what I'm here for. I let the tears fall as I turn and walk out the door. My sobs radiate through my body, and my breathing is heavy. It takes a long time for me to calm down. When I finally pull myself back into the house, my ribs throb. Savana is nowhere to be seen. Amily's old door is closed and I throw it open. Savana sits on the floor, looking at the wall. She doesn't even bother to look at me. She knows what she's done.
I stare at her, my breathing deep.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you," her tears choke her words. All I can think about is the guilty look on her face. I punch the wall.
Savana nearly jumps out of her skin at the crash.
"I am so stupid! I though we were friends! I thought I could trust you! I am so so stupid," I pull at my hair, trying to relieve this pain in my head, and my heart.
"We are friends," she jumps up to come close to me. I put my hand against her chest to stop her.
"No. We aren't." I storm out of the room as the sound of her crying fills my ears again. I back my car up, giving her room to leave. Because once she's gone, she won't be coming back.

I calmly walk back into Amily's room where she lays face down on the floor. I grab her long blonde hair and pull her up. She looks at me, mascara streaks on her face.
"Get out," I point at the door. She doesn't hesitate to pick up her things and leave. Pity is the last thing I could possibly feel.