Good Things

hearts & ammends

"Things have been going pretty smooth yeah. It doesn't hurt much and I haven't had phantom pains in a while," I tell the doctor.
"Well," he says over the phone. "We'd like to see you at the soonest possible time. I've prepared something for you to try. It's a full leg prosthetic with a special molded foot for balance, and a special material so that it won't rub your functioning leg. It was a special request from someone that we make it so that you can walk on runways again. So when you walk it won't rub."
"Wow. Thank you. When can I come in?"
"What about today at two?"
"Can I call you back?"
"No need. I'll leave the slot open so if you show up then it's reserved, and if not then I get an extra lunch break."
"Okay. Thank you so much. Bye."
"Bye."
Excitement fills me. I call Evan.
"Hey Evan you'll never guess what just happened I mean never guess and I hope you aren't busy today because I can't drive and I realllyyyyyyy need to go."
"Whoa. Slow down racecar."
"Evan the prosthetic is ready. They even said that someone asked if it could be made for me to walk comfortably on the runway!"
"Uh huh. What time is your appointment?"
"Two o'clock but you don't sound very excited."
"I already knew all of that Jo," he chuckles through the phone. "I called them a few weeks ago. I wanted to see when it would be done and make sure you'll like it. You don't really need anymore disappointments."
"Evan come over right now I wanna kiss you so hard."
"On my way," he hangs up.
I sit, scrolling through my Instagram feed. 300,000 followers and not growing at all. I had been growing it steadily but I'm not having any luck now. My doorbell pulls me away from my oncoming sadness.
A well dressed Evan stands at my door. I lean in and kiss him hard on the lips, something I've been making a habit of since he asked me to be his girlfriend. He grabs onto my waist and helps me into his car, swirling his keys around his other hand.
We drive in silence for a while.
"You know Josephine, every time I kiss you it feels like that very first night we met. So crazy and exhilarating. Every kiss is like that. It's amazing. You're amazing."
"Evan," I smile as wide as my ears. I grab one of his hands and wrap it in my own.
"Jo are you feeling alright? Your hands are freezing."
"I'm fine," I say ignoring the dizziness.
"No really. Josephine. What's wrong?"
Silence is my response.
"When did you eat last?"
I say nothing.
"Answer me!" He practically yells.
"A couple days ago."
"What did you eat?"
"A banana."
"Damn it, Josephine! Are you kidding?"
I open my mouth to answer, but my head feels foggy and my stomach hurts and I can't say anything.
"Josephine please hold on. We're going to the hospital."

"You've done severe damage to your digestive system, not to mention your heart," Dr. Madden looks angrily at me. "I don't understand. There could've been so many more complications. You got so lucky." He shakes his head.
"I'm sorry." I say, surely looking like a supermodel in my hospital gown and my IV.
"You'll need to stay here for a week. At least. Maybe more if you can't gain five pounds."
"Five?"
"Yes. Preferably more. Five is the minimum."
"Ok."
The doctor leaves the room. I sit alone.

The whole week, Evan only comes to see me once, bringing two outfits.
"Evan, can you please stay?"
"No sorry. I don't mean to be a jerk but it's kind of annoying that I can try and try to make sure you know how beautiful and perfect and amazing you are, then you go and starve yourself. I'm pretty upset," tears well in his eyes and anger colors his face. "I'm sorry, but I have to go."
"Evan," he doesn't even look over his shoulder as he walks out.

When I'm discharged from the hospital, Amily picks me up.
"So," she says trying to make conversation.
"Why didn't you come to see me Amily?"
"Because. I don't have time to come see people who get themselves into trouble by trying to get attention."
"I didn't do anything for attention. What the heck? If I could've controlled it I would have! I didn't want to be in the hospital. I didn't want to make you hate me. I didn't want to make Evan so mad."
"Whatever." We ride in silence.
Silence is the soundtrack for my life, and it's on repeat.