BOLD

B- Because

The next few days it was quiet at lunch. The day after the fight I didn't go on Skype at all. I was still angry that he had wanted me to drop everything to come see him. And the day after that I had waited for him, he wasn't on.

Probably still as angry as I was.

When we finally Skype again that was also filled with quiet. Neither of us talked, still not having a clue what to say to each other. After that awkward call we tried again. Well he called this time as well. I was staring at the call button too nervous.

"How has work been?" he asks killing the silence and the tension. I bite my lip unsure what to say. Wanting to be careful with my words afraid if I said the wrong ones that it would start another fight.

"It's been good, the kids are finishing their projects in the next two days," I say. He nods.

"How has work been over there?" I say nervously.

"It's getting better. A lot better. It's been a slow progress, but we are getting to where we need to be," he says. I nod and give him a weak smile.

"I'm sorry," he says. I nod and let my heart try to pound its way out.

"Me too," I reply.

"This is hard," he says. I nod agreeing.

"It's almost Halloween here," I reply changing the subject.

"Oktoberfest is fun to experience. I wish I could show you," he says with a slight smile. I give him a soft laugh. There was more silence. How did this get even more awkward?

The bell rings and I sigh.

"Reply to my e-mail," he says then hangs up. I eat half of my sandwich then lose my appetite. The students pile in and get right to work. I just watch them while spinning my rings on my ring finger. With I sigh I take them off and put them in the drawer in my desk. The school day ends and I go workout locking my room up before I go.

Halloween comes and goes. November comes around and I start wearing warmer clothes. Things between me and Carson were still off. And I know it was because of what I had said that day we fought. I didn't know what to say. I was at the gym with Mackey who usually came with me to check out the guys. And hold the punching bag.

"It's been awkward," I tell Mackey and then I punch the bag a few times.

"What happened?" Mackey asks when I stop punching.

"We both said things during Skype a couple of weeks ago. It was bad," I say with an emphasis on bad and then punched the bag a few times.

"How is it still awkward? Have you both not apologized?" he asks.

"We did apologize, after not talking to each other for a couple of days. We just haven't been the same since," I tell Mackey. Mackey knew everything. Even about the contract that got me in this mess.

"What did you both say to make each other mad?" he says. After Mackey said that I started to pace.

"He said I should come and visit, but that would mean I would have to drop everything to go see him for a few days. And I told him I can't get that many days off in a row at work. Then he said come for the weekend. And then I blew up and said that it just wasn't going to work because I was volunteering and we both were just going to have to wait until November rolls around," I explain to him.

"Okay. Obviously you said something more. I get why you are mad, but how did you make him mad," he says with an eyebrow raised.

"I had said that it shouldn't matter to him anyways because I wasn't his actual wife," I whisper.

"Oh, boo. No, why," Mackey says.

"I was mad. I had to be the one that dropped everything. I don't know. It made it seem like my job isn't as important or as big as his is," I say taking off my gloves.

"I see why it would be awkward. Neither of you have defined the relationship. You were friends, but you had reminded him that you were married. Might've gave him a clue that you liked him. But obviously it wasn't that big of a clue," Mackey says.

"Yeah. I don't even know. I know I should tell him how I feel. But maybe it's just too fast," I say shaking my head.

"Your entire relationship so far has been way too fast," Mackey teases me.

"Not funny," I say pointing my finger at him.

"Well at least you will look a lot hotter when he comes back. Maybe he won't recognize you," Mackey says.

"Or he would get the guts to define the relationship," I whisper back.

"Oh, that one is way better! Or maybe you can define it?" He says. I laugh and gather my things.

"When he comes back. What the heck do I do? Hug, kiss, or what?" I say.

"All three, except the or what; is fuçk. So fuçk him," Mackey says driving us to our favorite diner.

"Oh. Thanks Mackey. He probably doesn't even think of me that intimately. Heck probably not even that way at all. Probably thinks we are just friends like you said earlier," I say as we enter the diner.

"You won't know until you try. Just seduce him until he's begging to cûm inside you," Mackey says with a shrug. I hit him and roll my eyes.

"No, gross!" I say looking around hoping nobody heard that. 

"What? I thought you liked the guy?" He says putting his hands up innocently.

"I do like the guy! You just didn't have to be all super kinky and sexual. And inappropriate!" I exclaim trying not to smile.

"Don't be such a prude then!" He says. I reach over and smack him again.  The waitress sets our orders down and I immediately start eating.

"So are you?" Mackey asks after awhile.

"Am I what?" I say confused. Mackey rolls his eyes at me.

"Going to seduce the crap out of him with that hot body of yours!" He says. Rolling my eyes I start laughing.

"Mackey, how did your mom handle you when you were younger," I say. He laughs and shakes his head at me.

"Because she is wonderful," Mackey says in a 'duh' tone.

We finish our dinner and go our separate ways.

When he told me the news I didn't know what to do.

"I'm not going to make it home before Thanksgiving," he says.

"What?" I say my heart breaking.

"I'm sorry. I don't know when I'll be home at this point. This is taking longer than expected," he tells me honestly.

"I don't want to face our families alone. It's sad and depressing," I say trying to make the subject lighter.

"Quinn," Carson says with a stern voice then he sighs. I'm not going to cry.

Closing my eyes I rub my forehead, "It's fine. Just get the job done."

He hangs up without saying goodbye and I sit there cursing him out in my head.

I went to Thanksgiving feeling very alone. Everyone kept asking how he was doing, but what they didn't notice is that my rings were still home on the bedside table.

I couldn't wear them. I didn't know how to. Well, I know how to, but my finger felt heavy. Almost like it was just going to plop off one day.

Feeling very tired and angry that I had to do all of this family bonding time by myself I go home and get to bed dreaming of Carson and a relationship between us that wasn't possible.