Toshiro x Reader [ON HOLD]

Chapter 14

A/n Surprised? Missed me? Okay probably not. Must've been ragin' at me for not updating this book since like, April 14. Not kidding. It's already August. I haven't updated in like, what, five months? Holy shit I feel guilty. Gomen 🙇. But anyways, here's the long awaited chapter (or whatever).  Oh yeah, I'll start to write in 1st POV and occasionally also 3rd POV from now on because I've received a comment on how confusing it was to switch back and forth from 2nd POV (you know, using the pronouns "you" and "I" in one chapter just because I get confused in what POV I'm supposed to be writing in). Don't worry, all is well! Once this book is finally done, I'll rewrite most of the first chapters, edit it, remove the author's notes... You know, the basic cleaning take-out-the-trash kind of thing, but this time in writing. Welp, here you go!

Your POV

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

So much guilt.

That is what I've been doing for the past forty-five minutes. Contemplating on my previous words and actions I have done and said to a certain male.

What the hell was I thinking.

I am a complete idiot. He was just worried. He was just concerned for me. So why didn't I shut the hell up and be normal for once?

Oh right, I'm not.

But putting normality aside, I truly believe that I was at fault, and that, that is what is causing the guilt that I am feeling at this moment.

Why couldn't I just swallow my damn pride and try not to be always right for once?

Back then, when I was conversing with him, a certain instinct, a subconscious thought, had entered me.

'He was concerned. He cared for me. He just wanted me to be okay. But...

...He looked  down on me.'

Somewhere along those lines, was my instinct that had caused me to act in such a rash manner. To say words that had hurt Toshiro, who had done nothing wrong and only thought of my well being. I wasn't being rational when I had snapped at him.

This isn't how someone who vowed to protect the people they love is supposed to act.

I then heard a knock at the door. "Who is it?", I had inquired.

"It's Kisuke." He replied.

"Come in." I said, as I gestured him to come inside.

"So... Mind telling me what happened?" He asked curiously, fiddling with his cane that he had brought inside the room.

"Hm... Maybe later? I'm not really in the mood. I'll go take a stroll, if that's okay with you." I said, not meeting Kisuke in the eye.

He sighed. Most probably wondering why he asked in the first place if not to be answered anyways. "Sure thing." We ended the conversation shortly right after that. I could tell that he wanted to say more, but decided to keep his mouth shut.

A very wise decision.

I wish I had the wisdom to know when to shut up. If I did, I wouldn't probably even be in this mess.

I swiftly exited the room, barely making a sound.

I strolled through the streets, looking at people who were busy tapping on some rectangular object, laughing with their group of friends, and some just humming to a song I don't know about.

Then I suddenly caught an urge to search of something. Or rather, someone.

I need to find him.