Angel (Jahseh Onfroy/ Xxxtentacion Fic)

26

(Cute pic of X for you guys because shit gets sad in this chapter oops spoiler . EDIT ON THIS NOTE, 17 IS SO FUCKING GOOD I WANT TO FUCKING- UGH!!!! IT'S AMAZING AND I LOVE IT AND I LOVE HIM AND I NEED TO STFU AND LET YOU READ)

"Talk to him." Jenifer reminded me as she dropped me off at my house.

"Can you uh, stay?" I asked, squinting under the hot sun. She nodded and pulled into the driveway and walked into my apartment with me. I entered and saw that Jahseh was already here - with Stokely, Pump, and Wifi. Fuck.

"We're going to go chill in her room. Peace!" Jenifer said quickly. "Lookin' good Stokely!"

"Are you serious?" I asked with a laugh, closing the door.

"What? He's fine as hell. Anyways, you gotta wait. Can't have him losing his shit with them here."

"Thanks for being so fucking supportive." I groaned.

"I'm being plenty supportive." She said.

"Shut up."

"A lot of people don't have friends that help them make decisions like this." She continued.

"Shut the fuck up, Jen." I laughed.

"What if I get the guys out of here and then you talk to him then?" Jenifer suggested.

"I don't want this to be anymore calculated than it already is." I said.

"Well, I'll let you talk to him then." She said. "I'll hang out in here while you guys talk."

"Well, let's chill until I can talk to him."

"Does Stokely know?" She asked me.

"I don't know... I mean, he knows about Damien. I didn't really tell anyone but you and Liz." I admitted. Me, Lizzy, and Jenifer have been friends since fifth grade. We were really close.

"Well, let's watch Netflix for now."

---

"Jahseh, can I talk to you?" I asked. It'd been four hours since we got back and the boys were finally gone. They went to fuck around in the studio but Jahseh stayed with me.

"Sure." He said. I cleared my throat.

"I um, I think I should tell you something." I said. "I always talk about honesty and I haven't been honest with you and that makes me feel like shit."

"Did you fuck another nigga or sum?" He asked.

"No, Jahseh. Before I met you, I was sexually assaulted. I think that if I don't tell you, someone else will and I don't want that to happen." I admitted. He looked at me, a blank expression on his face.

"Sexually assaulted, like rape?" He asked.

"Um... yeah." I said.

"Oh." He said, his voice coarse.

"I just um... I thought I should te-"

"Who's the nigga?" He asked, interrupting me.

"No one." I said.

"It ain't no one, Amira! Who's the nigga?" He yelled.

"Not anyone who matters." I sighed, running a hand through my hair.

"It does fucking matter." He said, shaking his head.

"Jahseh, it's in the past. I just wanted to tell you because I didn't want to keep secrets from you. I wouldn't have said anything if I knew you would've been mad at me." 

"Are you dumb?" Jahseh asked. "I ain't mad at you! I'm mad that it happened. I'm mad that you won't let me pop the nigga."

"It's been years, Jah."

"That don't matter, Mira. That's  serious thing." He said, his voice quieter.

"I know it is. That's why I wanted to tell you."  I said. 

"Well, I mean, I'm gonna need time to think." He sighed, standing up from the couch. 

"Where are you going?" I asked. 

"I just need to be alone and think about this shit, Amira." He said. He walked over to the door and opened it. "I love you, okay?"

If you loved me, you wouldn't be leaving me right now.

"Alright." I said simply. 

They were wrong. Everyone saying I should be honest was fucking wrong. If they were right, Jahseh would've been here, telling me he loved me and watching stupid shows with me and talking and instead he's gone because he couldn't deal with my stupidity. Could I blame him, though? Absolutely not. I'm disgusting and I'm awful and I hate myself.