Angel (Jahseh Onfroy/ Xxxtentacion Fic)

36

Third person POV

Two days later

"She got me up all night, constant drinkin' and love songs." Amira sang quietly as she flipped pancakes on the stove. Her mind was racing with thoughts ranging from her attack yesterday to Jahseh. She was unsure of whether or not she was enough for him. Of course he knew she was, but she didn't think that.

"Hey Mira." Jahseh greeted her, wrapping an arm around her exposed waist and kissing her cheek.

Stokely had left to record with the guys so they had the house to themselves. He liked that. He was selfish. He wanted to have Amira's attention. He got a bit annoyed when she would talk to the other guys for some reason. He would stay quiet though, because it was really none of his business. After Geneva, he didn't want any of his girls around his friends.

"Hey Jah. I'm making breakfast but I gotta head to work soon. Don't forget to lock the door. I'll leave you my keys."

That was dumb. Jahseh already had plenty of ideas running through his mind. He wanted to know more about the oh-so secretive Amira Rodgers. She was his girlfriend, after all.

"Alright." He shrugged.

The pair ate their breakfast in peace. Amira went into her room to put on her makeup and uniform and she left, foolishly trusting her curious boyfriend. He threw his empty plate in the sink and walked into his partner's room, opening drawers. He found some shit he didn't want to, like tampons and shit, but also some interesting stuff.

As Jahseh rummaged through Amira's underwear drawer, he found a balled up wash cloth. He raised his brows and found that it contained something. He unraveled the folds carefully and was disgusted and scared by what he saw.

A razor along with a pre- written suicide note.

Dear unfortunate reader,
    If you are indeed reading this little letter here, it means that I was brave for once. I want to say that maybe I made some mistakes in my life. Maybe I was a stupid kid. But I never once broke a promise. That is until now. I promised my mother I'd stay strong. If someone is reading this, I probably wasn't. That, or you're an inconsiderate snoop. Either way, I want to say that I really did care about Stokely and my boyfriend Jahseh. You guys are way more than what people give you credit for. I want you guys to take all my shit. I also want you to tell my father to go to hell. Alright, that is all. Hopefully all that Jesus bullshit was true.
                         Amira ♥

At first, Jahseh was surprised. Then he was warmed by the words she spoke about him. And that's when it hit him. Just like a ton of bricks. He became horrified. She mentioned him, specifically referring to him as her boyfriend. This was recent. She was planning to kill herself soon. She wrote this in the past few weeks.

"Fuck." He whispered to himself. He thought about flushing the blade, but he knew she'd find out and be mad at him. She'd be able to buy another one easily anyways. He rolled it back up, hurt and anger in his heart. The girl he loved was planning to kill herself. Wait, love? It was a mental blip, the boy assured himself. But it wasn't. He was in love with Amira. He'd never know if she loved him or not because she was too afraid to say it though.

He was too scared to continue searching, which was unfortunate. He would've found out more about her mother and the abuse she'd endured throughout Amira's childhood. He would've found out things like Amira's favorite bands, her favorite movies, her favorite books, and her favorite people too. He would've found out things she'd never tell him. Things that mattered. 

On Amira's end, she was feeling depressed. She was feeling alone. But she also felt comfortable and safe with her boyfriend that she cared about so deeply. She thought that, as long as he was happy, it was possible for her to be happy. She still doubted it, though. 

She'd received the text from Rob that day. She realized after talking to him that she didn't want to talk to him. The only boy she wanted was Jahseh. The only person she cared about was Jahseh. 

She was falling in love with him too.