The Glitch [Gawsten] >Completed<

19: My Friends and I Are Mad

Geoff's fading blends into the blue air almost looking like fireflies. Beautiful is the only word that comes to mind.

That's what Geoff is after all, beautiful.

The glitch makes him weak. Is his weakness what is so beautiful about him? Or is it just simply him?
Either way I don't care.
His weakness will be gone soon or at least some of it, as we cure him.

Everything will be normal again, not like before though.
We can never go back to before.

Maybe the fact that we can't is what's wrenching my heart the most.

I loved Otto then I really did.
But now I love Geoff.

The word love almost seems alien now.
Alien but yet in a way the only word to describe what I'm feeling towards Geoff.
I don't just like Geoff, I love him.
Thinking that just seems wrong I guess.

I'm lying in front of his face. Stabbing him in the back and then twisting the blade while crying out saying I love him.

Emotions suck. Mine are mostly sad.

Sad for my gloom boy, my Geoff.
Sad for Otto the boy who may or may not still love me, the boy I loved once.
Sad even for Jawn who lonely watches from a distance as we all go mad.

Mad that's what we are.

My friends and I are mad we're mad all the time.

My train of thought is blurred as Otto and Geoff stop walking. They look down to the dark ground no trace of emotion on their faces. No, Otto looks fearful and Geoff looks just done.
Both expressions are similar.
Neither happy.

I look down too and see a glowing blue pile at first it looks like nothing really just a blur of strange shapes. Like everything else down here, but then it moves.

I squint at the blurred mound and realize it's a pile of dead butterflies.
The movement coming from one butterfly that is slightly larger than all the others, it's eating it's fellow species corpses.

Otto looks away from the pile of rotting insects and looks ahead of us. I do the same. 
A wall stands about fifteen feet tall, it's slimy and molding over. No more blue light surrounds the wall it's just dark.

I don't like it.

We approach the wall passing the butterflies and take a closer look at the slime.

It's holographic like where Geoff's skin has floated away. The mold CGI looking like Geoff's hand did that day.
Like how Geoff's hand still looks.
It won't look like that soon.

We're so close.

I feel like Peter Pan and the lost boys but without the Peter Pan. We're just lost boys but with so savior.
No Peter Pan to save us.
We're out on our own adventuring for the best treasure. Geoff's life.

We're in a twisted neverland but our neverland is reality.

And in reality all anyone wants is to survive. We're not cheating death we're just living like anyone else in our twisted little neverland.
We're surviving.
Living.

Me personally, I'm lying.
And loving. A love that is going to rip me apart, a love that maybe already has.

I don't mind though.

I'll do anything for Geoff even if I'm ripped into pieces.

I look over to the wall it's falling over leaving a small entrance to get inside. Whatever's in there is important. Maybe thats where the government is waiting.
If I die I die for Geoff. Otto is probably thinking the same.

I'm sorry I lied to you.
I'm sorry I stabbed you in the back.
I'm sorry I twisted the blade.

I admire his brown hair, his amazing eyes, his glitch. I admire these small things for what might possibly be the last time.

After all it's the end of the world in there, who knows what might happen.

Jawn warned us of a price.
A price we don't know.

My eyes glide over his body one last time taking in his posture, his height.

I feel the tears filling up around my eyes.

But I don't cry. Geoff doesn't need to see me cry.

I've lied and backstabbed him but I won't let him see me cry.

So instead I let him see something very rare. Something I haven't done in a long time, at least without it being fake.

I smile. A genuine smile a smile that melted my own heart. Who knows what it did to his, if it did anything at all.

That doesn't matter though because even if he doesn't feel the same.
I love him.
I love him more that anything else in this world.
Even if he doesn't love me back.
Maybe he was faking the kiss, maybe he pretended to care because he knew what it would do to me if he didn't.
Maybe the hotel bathroom was all an act to try to make me change my mind.

Even if that's true I still love him.

Remembering things is hard when you don't know if you'll die or not.
I don't care though.

I love him and that's all that matters.

"We're going to fix you, baby." I whisper to myself digging my fingernails into my hand.
Blood soon staining my chewed fingernails.

"I'm going to fix you."