Barry Allen Imagines

36;

"You—You should go." You said to Barry while you rummaged through your drawers for something clean, and preferably less bloodstained, to wear. Your world felt like it had shattered so quickly that you didn't even know the proper way to react anymore. Everything seemed so grey and bleak.
Barry leaned against the door frame, unwilling to let you out of his sight for any longer than necessary while also trying to give you the space that you needed.
"Didn't you hear me? Go! Get out of here, Barry!" You snapped, not even caring about how rude you sounded. All you wanted was a warm, comforting hug from your mother—a hug that let you know that everything would work itself out eventually—but that would never come now.
Barry shook his head. He knew this wasn't the best time for him to speak up yet but he had to show that he was listening and still here for you. Talking back now would only dig him into a deeper hole, one which he couldn't afford. He had to wait for the perfect time to interrupt and plead his case.
You tugged your dirty clothes off, not even bothering to shield yourself from Barry's wandering eyes as you changed into your pajamas before turning back to face him. "You're a hero, Bare. The Fastest Man Alive. But when I needed you tonight, you weren't there."
That felt like a stab in the gut. You had always been his top priority and when you needed him, he was with Iris. Granted, it was only him helping her with information for a newspaper piece she was doing on the recent spike in crime in National City, he would've left in a heartbeat if he had know that you needed him. But he found out too late. And he could never undo that but he could always try to ease the pain.
"I'm not leaving you." He said gruffly, standing stiffly in order to hold his ground—he couldn't cave in this time, not when so much was on the line.
"Like hell if you aren't. All I want is to be alone." Alone. That word seem to echo through your mind. You were alone now. And you definitely didn't want to be alone. Being or living away from your parents is one thing, but knowing that they aren't even around anymore is something completely different and some you never thought your experience until you were much older.
He repeated, shaking his head. "I'm not leaving you alone. Not when you need someone now more than ever." After he watched his very own mother die, all he wanted was a warm hug from his dad that conveyed that he'd still be there for Barry but he wasn't even allowed that as Henry was dragged off to the police station for her murder. Barry knew what this felt like (though he assumed that it must have felt twice as worse for you since although Henry was gone, he was still alive and that was more than you could say about your father).
"My parents are dead, Barry! I called you over and over again and you ignored me. That meta, he—he tied me and my father up and made us watch as he killed my mom before he moved onto murdering my dad.I couldn't do anything but as soon as I realized I could reach my phone without being noticed, you were the one I called." And it felt like the man I loved didn't even love me enough to come rescue me when I needed him the most, you thought, biting your tongue to keep the hostile idea to yourself. You couldn't help it. You were angry at the world for taking your parents away while also being heartbroken that you'd never get to see them again.
"I know and—"
"At any moment," You interrupted him to continue your rant. "I had expected you to burst through the door and save the day like always." Tears were now escaping your eyes but you did nothing to wipe them away and continued your rant. "You somehow always manage to be late but you usually get there just before someone is fatally wounded or even dead. But it was too late this time and now I just don't know what to do anymore."
Your parents were always your rocks. They had taught you everything and had guided and supported you for your entire life (now that was what parents were supposed to do but you had always been particularly close to each of them). And now they were gone and you'd never be able to see them again or tell them about your day or express how much you actually loved them. It left a hole in your heart–a hole that could never be filled by anything or anyone else.
Your mother specifically had loved Barry and was thrilled to finally meet him after how much she had heard from you about him—especially since he had been the first boy since high school that you had told her about.
"He's just super sweet and funny in a sort of dumb way." You said to her over the phone. It was nearly eight at night and you had just gotten home from yet another date with Barry (making this your 5th one so far, not that anyone's counting), and you were just full of so much pent up energy that you had to call someone and released it. Your mother was the first person that came to your mind. (Sure, your friend Alyssa would listen to you but she wouldn't actually understand just how much all of this meant to you).
"And, he's not really funny in a conventional funny way but his passion for the science jokes he tells really make the jokes that much more funny." You smiled recalling the chemistry joke he had told you ("What's the show cesium and iodine love watching together?" "I don't know, what?" "CSI!").
She continued to listen to you tell her about this man who had so quickly seemed to capture your attention and she beamed in merriment. Your mom had always wanted you to find a love like she had with your father and, right now, you sounded just as she had when she started dating your father: excited and enthusiastic.
Finally, her little baby was with someone who seemed trustworthy and would truly be there for her.
She had loved seeing you with Barry almost as much as you had actually loved being with Barry. And now it just felt wrong to be around him; like now that she was gone the relationship you had with Barry just seemed tarnished.
"You gave me this stupid ring," You made what could be considered a rash decision to some but your emotions were at an all time high and this seemed like a good choice at the moment. "To promise me that you'd always love and protect me and even marry me one day. But when I needed you most you were no where to be found and I just don't know if I can get past this." You said as you roughly ripped the sparkly gold ring off your ring finger and threw it in his general direction, hearing a small clink on the floor to signify it had fallen.
You weren't sure whether you were looking for a fight or a comforting hug but the malicious voice in the back of your head hissed that your father would've known how to calm you instantly and help fox the situation.
"I like him, sugar." Your father had said to you after you had shown him the sparkly engagement ring Barry had splurged on for you. "I'm glad that he's the man you picked for marriage... Though I can't believe my little girl is gonna get married." He leaned forward and hugged you in congratulations though he soon became reluctant to let go of you.
"Well, I mean I am a twenty three year old with a masters degree in law and two antisocial cats. I think it's about time I actually focus on a life outside of college and work. Preferably a life with someone other than my cats." Between work, college as well as spending free time in your apartment with the cats, you had begun to lack a social life. But Barry seemed to make you want to be more social and outgoing and you were suddenly willing to spend an night or two away from your cats Pickles and Eugene for a night at the West household with him.
"I think that he's the first boy of yours that I actually like." He joked but you knew that there was some truth behind his words. He had always from something wrong with the other few boys you hard brought home ("He looked at you like a piece of meat." "Doesn't he seem a bit too old for you?" "He's got too many tattoos." "What if he's in a secret gang?").
Barry was the only one of your boyfriends that your father would actually insist you bring him with you to visit. And while Barry had always been awkward, he's still a joy to have around. "He better keep it up though, because I can refuse to walk you down the isle if I change my mind about this whole 'my little girl getting married' thing."
And now, whether or not he wanted to walk you down the isle was out of the question–not that you were even sure a wedding would happen at this point. Everything seemed to be falling apart at it's seams now and there was no way to sew it back together into its previous state. Maybe things could be patched up, but it could never be as good as new.
"Please remember that I know what you're going through, y/n." Barry spoke up, finally stepping forward from his spot against the door. It was now or never for the both of you. "I lost my mom and while I still had my dad, it was like I still didn't because he was in prison and I could rarely ever see him."
He paused for a moment to assess if you were open to his attempts at comforting you or if you actually wanted him to leave. When he saw that you were willing to listen, he continued.
"And after she was gone–" it still hurt too much to say that she was dead so he was careful to skirt around the wording. "–All I wanted was for someone to comfort me and tell me that she was in a better place but instead my father was being charged with her murder and I was being questioned at the police station for any details."
"You had Joe and Iris. I'm alone, Bare." You protested, feeling the tears you had been holding in finally brimming to the surface once again.
"You're not alone, y/n." He reiterated as he made the decision to tug you forward so he could hug you, which you willingly accepted at that point. "You have me." He muttered into your ear. "You have Cisco, Caitlin, Joe and Iris. We are all here for you and we always will be. Please don't forget that."
His heart broke at your anguish. Someone as innocent and flawless as you should never have to feel this way and Barry felt like he was at fault for this because he wasn't fast enough. But he didn't have time to dwell in his own regret, no, now he had to focus on gluing you back together again.
When you finally accepted his presence, you snuggled into his embrace. He was so warm and it seemed to thaw you out in a way–making you momentarily numb to the pain you felt.
With you face buried in his neck, he gently rubbed your back as you cried.
"We can get through this." He whispered quietly.
While his words were meant to comfort you, they seemed to have the opposite affect as they only made the tears quicken. "A part of me doesn't wanna get through this." You cried into him. "That means that I'm basically forgetting them and everything they've done for me. And I don't ever want that."
"You can move on without forgetting them." Barry dismissed, gently leaning back so that he was able to look at your face. And despite how blotchy and red you were, he still knew that you were the most beautiful girl he's set eyes on–crying or not. "I live everyday with the knowledge that my mother is gone. But I distract myself day to day from the pain of it with things and people that I love."
You thought about his words. He had witnessed his mother die at such a young age but he didn't let that change who he really was. Sure, after that incident he lived his life the way that he knew would make her proud but he was still Barry. Your Barry. No event could ever change him to a point where he's wasn't the Barry you knew and loved.
Sensing your hesitation, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to yours, his eyes searching yours for any sign of unease due to this gesture. Sensing none, he continued with his speech.
"That meta-human is gone and you will never have to see him again. I can promise you that. I know how tough it is to get through something like this but you need to know that I will always be here for you, y/n. I don't care if you never want to see me again after today but if by chance you happen to call me up two years from now at two a.m. looking for company, I will be there without a doubt." He reached up to wipe the tears off your stained cheeks, his eyes never leaving yours as he continued. "I will be there for whatever you need, whenever you need it."