Alone Together. [An OM&M FanFic]

Chapter 37: If You Knew Her, You'd Ask Me So Many Questions.

Hannah.

I stepped down the long steps of the plane, through the gate, and into the clustering crowd, in search of my party of two.

Grandma was enthusiastically waving at me, a grin on her face that tried to mask the worry that showed in her blue eyes.

I nodded toward her, telling her silently that I saw her, with Jeanette on her heels, smiling and ready to ask me all sorts of tour related questions.

"Hey, how was the flight?" Grams asked as her arms found mine and pulled me into a tight hug.

I shrugged as she let go and let Jeanette in on hugging me too. "Uh, ya know.. There were people, it was crowded, and I just kinda either looked out the window, or slept." I fixed my dreads into a ponytail nervously and Jeanette was staring super hardcore.

"Did you do that on tour?" She looked amazed. I nodded shyly (since when am i shy around family?) and she smiled, I'm sure thinking of all the things she'd want to do to her hair.

Grandma looked at me and then Jeanette, and when she looked back at me she knew i seemed to be in no mood to talk. "Alright, well let's get going, we don't want to get stuck in traffic with everyone else leaving too."

We all walked like ducks in a row to the bag checkout, then out to the car, in a swift, silent fashion.

In the car, was no better.. We were all quiet driving home, that is, unless Jeanette liked the song playing on the radio and she'd ask Grandma to turn it up for her to hum to in the backseat.

I felt like the large van was slowly closing in on me, and that I had no where to go, no one to talk to, no one to express my real feelings to without being judged.. And that's when Grams spoke up from the driver's seat.

"Don't forget, you have a session tomorrow at 10am sharp."

Ah, well, that just seems to solve everything, huh?

-------- Next Morning. ---------

The alarm for this morning consisted of a small, curvy, loud mouthed ginger lady rocking me with all her weight pressed into every crevice of my body, over and over again.

"Hannah! Hey let's go! You have therapy in an hour and I know how long you take to get ready!"

I groaned and rolled myself onto my back, taking my grandma by surprise and knocking her off balance next to me.

"I'm up, I'm up.." I mumbled, my eyes fluttering and trying to wake themselves up. "Just give me a second!" I whined, flinging my arm like a loose cannon around the room. "Therapy can wait."

My grandma scoffed and stood up again, I could feel her piercing stare at me and in a feeling of un comfort, I rolled over and watched her facial expressions change as she looked my face over.

Her first face was anger, then amusement, which quickly faded off and went to hurt and sadness that even looked to be pooling from her eyes too. She was studying my face for awhile and her whole demeanor seemed to change.

She sighed, "Just.. Try and work with me today Hannah, okay..? Then maybe tomorrow we can try calling the guys."

I thought about it, and even though I knew this was totally considered a form of bribery, I nodded stiffly, feeling my hair ruffle against the pillow. The guys, my guys.

------- Therapy. -------

We pulled up to the close to empty parking lot in the big, dark blue van, and parked dead center of the doorway parking spot, where I could drearily read the door. Dr. Fredrick L, Family and Professional Therapist.

We walked in to the smell of disinfectant spray and bleach cleaner. My brain already felt dead and the looks from the ladies inside made good bumps rise. Lets just get this over with.

I sighed as I was written in on the clipboard and sat in the corner chair, my grandma watching me intently next to me, an outdated magazine in his wrinkled hands.

I looked from her, to the closed blinds, a pout on my lips and my eyes focused on a fly bussing by the light, trying to escape. I wish...

We weren't sitting there that long waiting, since we'd made an appointment, and when my name was called, my stomach dropped. I'd been in therapy before, why did this one feel so different?

"Hannah?" The friendly, soft toned receptionist poked her head out and called over to me. "Are you ready?" She smiled perkily and I groaned as I hoisted myself up, leaving my grandma alone a I thought of all the ways to sneak away from this session.

I followed the receptionist to the end of the hall, down to Doc's room. "He'll be right in." She smirked and nodded me to take a seat as she hung my clipboard filled with my info on the door handle and closed it behind her.

I didn't know how long I sat there, but it was long enough for me to daydream a scenario where a two headed dragon busted through the wall and tore my neck off, flinging it off across the world into my grandmas lap and my last words were, "see what therapy does?"

A rapping on the door took me from my daze and my eyes locked with Dr. F, whose piercing blue eyes were coldly smiling down at me. "Hi there." He sing- songed and closed the door behind me, clipboard in his hand.

I nodded a silent hello and he took a seat in a large, leather brown chair across from me. "So what brings you in today?" He started flipping through my clipboard, and the lump began to form in my throat.

"I uh- was emotionally scarred, and my grandma thought this would benefit me.. I guess I haven't exactly been myself lately." I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

The clicking of his pen told me he'd stopped looking through my info and was now jotting down notes. "Emotionally scarred? How so?" He crossed his legs and looked over at me.

I hadn't realized I was chewing the inside of my lip so hard until I felt blood touch my tongue. "I was... Um.." I stammered, the lump taking over my throat and stopping any sound flow from coming out. "While I was away I-" I cut myself off with a suffocating sound my jagged breathing was making and my hands went clammy.

I closed my eyes and tried taking a deep breath, anything to calm myself down and get a grip onto this sad reality I'm living in. You can do this Hannah.

I sighed and opened my eyes, the lump in my throat not as big as before, my breathing a little less jagged, and my hands a lot less clammy.

Doctor Fredrick cleared his throat, taking back my attention, and smiled warmly. "It's okay, we don't have to get to that today if you don't want to. We can always talk about something else..?"

I looked down at my hands and resumed chewing my bleeding lip again. "But I'm here to talk about.. What happened."

"And we can always get there another session, but maybe we should build up to that.. Lets start with something easy.. How're you feeling?"

I scoffed, as if that was any easier to answer. "I'm sad.. I guess, and angry, and very very lonely."

"Why?"

"I was dropped off back here like a five year old by my best and only friends in the entire world, and I'm forced to spend time with my family that I haven't talked to in almost a year now, and pretend like I'm okay or like nothing's changed." I sighed and wrapped my arms around myself. "I feel like a stranger in my own home that's got to fake it till she makes it because that's the only way for her to live."

"Her?"

I shook my head and gave way to a fake grin. "Me.. Me is her.. I don't know why I said that."

He shrugged himself. "Maybe you feel like you lost yourself at some point."

I glanced up at him, part of my dread falling in my face and masking part of me. Lost myself..?