Alone Together. [An OM&M FanFic]

Chapter 38: Broken From The Inside, Out.

Hannah.

On the drive home from my very silent, very awkward, and very brief session, I felt dead. My body was exhausted and my subconscious was deep inside of itself, thinking about what Dr. Fredrick had said.

Had I lost myself? What changed inside that never came back? I know after my ra-... My 'situation' I was quieter a little skittish, and some days I just wanted to sleep or whatever, but I still liked the same things I always have.

I still love books, and creating new things, and I live for music and my best friends are everything to me at the end of every day.. What broke? What changed?

"How'd it go?" Grams asked timidly as we took a stop at the longest red light in history.

I shrugged. "I guess we'll just have to see."

She nodded, understanding, and we drove the rest of the way with only the sound of the radio in the background.

---- Some Time Later. ----

I snapped awake as we bumped up the driveway, Jeanette singing to herself in the backseat and Grandma staring intently ahead as she crept to a stop in the driveway.

I dragged myself from the car and up to the door, leaning my forehead against the painted wood until the swift putter patter of feet from my robust grandmother came up next to me. She unlocked the door and nudged me away, making me stand straight with a grunt.

I entered the dark house, surprisingly not tripping as I took the stairs one by one until Jeanette flicked on one of the lights, up to my room, where I flung the door open and looked over the empty space.

There wasn't really anything of MINE here anymore.. And it felt even emptier now, with no feeling of life or warmth in it. I slid inside and closed the door behind me softly, sliding with the door as a prop to the floor and hugging my knees. When does this feeling go away?

I sat curled up like that, my eyes fluttering from exhaustion, for too long. A knocking at my door perked my head up and the cramping in my back had already settled in from my terrible posture. The knocking persisted, and I gave in and scooted from the doorway, giving my "guest" an entryway.

"Yeah?"

The knocking stopped and the doorknob slowly turned open, revealing Jeanette looking embarrassed.

"Are you ok?" She let herself in, closing the door behind her and continuing to stare down at me.

"Yeah, I'm good.. Just, want to be alone. It doesn't feel too good knowing you're damaged sometimes, but, I guess the therapy should help, right?" I shrugged and wrapped my arms around my knees again.

Jeanette nibbled on her bottom lip, thinking. "I don't think you're damaged...." She mumbled, finally concluding the answer in her own head.

I looked down at my hands and sighed. "Don't be too sure about things you don't actually know.."

Then there was silence, and I guess she decided to let it go, or just didn't have an answer, because she changed the subject.

"So how was it?"

"What? Therapy?"

"No, well- yes, but that's not what I meant."

"What'd you mean then?" I turned as she walked and sat on my bed.

"How was talking to the guys? I thought that's what you'd been doing this whole time."