Alone Together. [An OM&M FanFic]

Chapter 43: Welcome To The Circus.

Hannah.

I guess this is it.. Where the road ends, where my heart stops, where I say goodbye to whatever was left of me, inside and out.. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding onto while I sat, alone in the farthest parking space I could pick, from the big, bulky buidling I'd remembered as my shitty school.

I clutched Matty's steering wheel tight enough to strain my knuckles to the color of snow, and tried to get a hold on my breathing. There's no going back now. I blinked back my nervous tears that were begging to spill over, and took a few breaths to try and calm myself.

It's the first day back, and I'm already like this. What's going to happen when I actually get in there?! I sucked in my cheeks that had been trying to dip my mouth into a frown, and with some thoughts of clarity, I managed to sit up and release my grip on my steering wheel. Sorry Matty...

I looked over in the passenger seat, my backpack slouching with only a notebook, some pens and pencials, and one textbook that might as well just be considered another loose ringed notebook. I unlocked Matty, slowly getting out of the orange car, and slinging my plain backpack over my shoulder, grunting to myself.

 I locked up my car and felt like I was tip toeing through foreign trails across the parking lot up the the school. I stopped, getting to the sidewalk that led straight to the front doors by the office, and looked down at my dirty old red Chucks. Images of coming here before started coming back, it felt like flashback throwup..

There was me, coming in, nervous and ready to book it at any chance I could take, and getting lost.

....Me meeting Austin.

......Me having classes with Austin..

........Me having lunch with his friends, who, weirdly enough.. Became mine too...

............ Me being taken care of by his dad, and him....

..............Me loving every chance any of them ever gave me.....

..................Me wandering around the venue, falling for fake.. Looking stupid, BEING stupid......

....................Me having to leave.........

......................Me loving him.. All of them.....

I blinked from my flashback popups, and the air was nipping down my cheeks. I raised a shakey hand, feeling away the cold spots, only to have dampness meet my fingers. I looked at them, and the gloss of my tears were sure enough there, on every one of my fingers.

I sighed shakily and rubbed my wet fingers on the thighs of my jeans, sniffling up the rest and blinking everything back to the dark caverns of my brain. You've got this, you can handle this.. You've done it before, you can do it again.

I sucked in a sharp breath, and with any courage I mustered up in that moment, lifted my heavy cinderblock feet, one, then the other, up onto the sidewalk. My breath hitched, and I relased, taking more shallow, even breaths to keep my heart rate down and even.

I made my way up to the doors, and by now it had felt like weeks had gone by, just walking from Matty to the clear glass doors that read the school's name and address on it! I was chewing my cheek again, but the distraction was enough to let me pull the door open and be greeted with the smell of linoleum floor cleaners, crappy cafeteria food, and gym kids.

I shuddered away from the thoughts threatening to creep over again, and as even a pace as I could manager (and by pace I mean anything BUT a sprint to.. ANYWHERE ELSE), found my locker, a new one thank gosh, and with butterfingers, popped it open. It was bare and clean, the way I felt after I'd actually shower, and I think I liked my locker this way.. Plain Jane.