What's Done In The Dark (Laurmani/ Alern)

Why Won't She Loves Me

Normani's POV

You ever met someone who's in love with their best friend/ fuck buddy? Cuz that does happen a lot, So I'm sure you have, but did said best friend/ fuck buddy happen to be in a relationship and won't end it for their best friend/ fuck buddy? No, this is your first time hearing of this? Well let me welcome you to my hell.

My best friend, Lauren Jauregui, is lying between my legs asleep. It's like 10 o clock and I just want to lie like this forever. But I can't because Lauren has a fucking girlfriend. A girlfriend who's never home, never there for her, cheated on her and I doubt really loves her. How could you want to stay away from her? She's perfection. She's everything anyone could ever want or need. I just don't get it.

What's wrong with me? Why can't she just dump Allyson and be with me? I mean, she's a whole lot cooler after living out here but she's kinda a douche. She's a total player, which honestly shocked me, because hello it's Allyson Freaking Hernandez. I used to like her until I found out she cheated on Lauren. Now I just want to hit the little hobbit bitch with my car!

Lauren is the real reason Dinah and I didn't work out. I've been in love with Lo since we were teenagers but I was too afraid to do anything about it. Then I found myself falling for DJ and I was just happy she felt the same way and we went for it. But Dinah knew I was in love with Lauren and that's why she dumped me. She knew if I ever wanted to be happy, I needed to be with Lauren. So when we broke up  I than decided I was going to tell Lauren how I felt, but she told me she was dating Ally so I didn't say anything.

Then I waited. I figured they weren't anything serious so I could wait. When Allyson cheated the first time I thought that was my shot, but no. Then the second time I knew she'd dump her ass but once again she took her back. Then the third, but I think you can figure out how that ended.

They took their little breaks every time she cheated but that never lasted more than a day or two. And now it's been six years. Six fucking years! And they're still together. I just don't get how she could come here, fuck me and then go back to Ally. They don't even act like a couple…they act more like friends. Yeah they say 'I love you' or whatever but they really don't act like a couple. Like when Ally introduces Lauren it isn't 'this is my girlfriend Lauren' it's just 'this is Lauren' and whenever we go out Ally would leave Lauren and go dance with the first skank she see. They don't even hold hands in public because Ally claims she doesn't like PDA.

Seriously if I had Lauren I would be proud to show her off to the world. I wouldn't want a minute away from her and I would rush home to her every night, but she doesn't want that with me. She doesn't want to be happy…or at least happy with me. Even though we do this it's not like I'm her secret girlfriend, No we're just fuck buddies. But I would be her secret girlfriend if she wanted so I could have something more with her than just sex and her friendship.

Lauren and I act like more of a couple then those two. I open doors for her, we hold hands down the street- when she lets me hold her hand, she says we look to much like a couple so we don't do it a lot-, I take her to expensive restaurants, and I rub her feet after a long day. I do all the things Ally should be doing but she doesn't. And Lauren doesn't even realize that I'm not doing this just because we're fucking or because she'd my best friend. It's because I actually care about her and wants to be with her.

We've been doing this behind Allyson's back for a while and I still haven't told her how I feel. Ugh I wish I would stop being such a pussy and tell her how I feel. But I'm so afraid I'll lose her all together, so I act like I want them to fix things so she won't think I'm actually in love with her.

I feel her moving around and then she sits up and looks at me. She gives me a sleepy smile and then moves up to lie on her stomach with her head on my chest. I stroke her hair and I fall asleep.