Finding Beauty

Chapter 48

~Beauty~

I sit at my window sill letting the soft wind blow my hair around me. The dirty New York streets lay under me filled with rushing people walking into the train station on the corner of the block. I find myself missing the quiet forest that surrounded me back at the castle. There, I could read my book without being disturbed by the honking of a car horn or the smell of a dead rat.

I get up and stroll over to my closet to change into something that will provide more warmth. The bably blue rug beneath me is fuzzy and tickles my bare feet. Shifting through hangers, I find a baggy black sweatshirt. Gale's face appears in my mind. This was his signature look. I take it out and slip it on, telling myself I didn't just pick it because I want to feel close to him. Telling myself that my eyes are watery from the drafty apartment, not because I miss him so much.

The smell of roses fill my nose and I have to remind myself that it's the scented candle my mother purchased, not the enchanted rose hovering over Gale's nightstand. In one solid breath, I blow the flickering flame out, letting the scent tickle my nose a little while longer before stepping away.

After closing the window, I wander over to the living room. The place is empty for the first time during these last 3 weeks. It's silent aside from my footsteps. My mother had to go to work and Grayson is in school, leaving me to catch up on all the senior year school work I missed while I was away. I can't say that I wish they were here because honestly, I need the space.

Grayson has been sticking to me like glue. I can say that and almost mean it literally. He will hardly let me out of his sight for more than a few minutes without having a mini freak out. He would check to see if I was okay, like Gale might have popped out of nowhere and taken me away again. Grayson even slept on the couch for the first few days I was back. Not that I minded that much. I did miss him and have appreciated the time we got to spend catching up. Plus, if someone told me that Grayson died and then he wasn't, I would clingy too. I would value every single second I got with him.

The police let us know that the girl they found dead on the beach turned out to be another teen girl named Victoria Barely who drowned. For reasons they didn't explain, the case was labeled as a murder. It's still under investigation. While I'm sure my mother and Grayson are relieved it wasn't me, some other family is going to receive some truly horrible news.

Then, there was my mom who seemed to be competing for the best mother of the year award. She was cooking, cleaning, working, and somehow still making time to do mother- daughter things with me. For example, just yesterday we were practicing doing makeup on each other.

Believe me, I appreciate it all so much and these last few weeks have been so great. I have gotten a family back and it has improved while I was away. But it still doesn't change the fact that I have also lost one and need sometime to grieve them. Of course, I can't talk to my mother and Grayson about that. There is no way that they would understand and that makes it a hundred times harder.

I haven't been given enough time too just process everything and feel what I'm feeling and now I realize that I'm grieving. I miss Gale so much. I've found myself reading books and then making a mental note to tell him about it only to realize that I can't because...because I'll never see him again. I also find myself drifting back to old memories when I'm falling asleep at night. Like when we decorated the Christmas tree together or when we played in the snow, when we danced together on the beach. I start to wonder what I would we be doing now if I was back over there with him.

I miss Carina. Her sweet smiles, nicknames, and tea. She became the motherly figure I needed and I will never forget her for that. It seems weird how she knew so much about me yet I knew almost nothing about her. Did she have a family? Friends? Where was she from? All things I'll never get to ask now.