Finding Beauty

Bonus Chapter: What If?

~The Hunter~

The What If express is a dangerous train to take. It leads down a path filled with hurt, disappointment, envy, and despair. At the end of the ride your left with nothing. Nothing you imagined comes true in the end. So what's the point? Why do we keep hurting ourselves like this?

Now that I'm on a literal train riding to the other side of the country, I should be letting go. I'm leaving New York City and everything it had behind. It's for my own good. I need to move on and stop looking back. It isn't healthy and it will keep me from healing.

If only it was that easy. Despite my will, I can't help but go down that path. I can't help but wonder What if Belle was never kidnapped? 

I lock my eyes shut.

"Hey, sleepy head! We're gonna miss our stop!" The cross country train was now a subway train heading for my high school. Our high school.

Belle was holding on to the pole as the train came to a halt. Her brown hair fell over her bookbag straps and as she tucked a strand behind her ear my eyes caught the bracelet I had gotten her. Charms were latched on to the metal hoop. There was a book, Pedro, football, Spongebob and prom crosage charm. She smiled big, showing all her teeth.

"Let's go! We're going to be late!" She held out her hand for me to take and I did. Her hand felt perfect in mines.

She pulled me along with her and we ran through the closing doors and up the stairs to reach above ground. My heartbeat was pounding in my chest but not because we were running. It was because I was with her.

As we reached the school we entered the hallway where she reached for my other hand and pulled me close.

"Belle?"

"Yes?" she answered.

"I think I love you."

She stepped closer. "You think?"

I shook my head, chuckling. Our faces were so close our noses were almost touching. "No. I know. I've always known."

"Good." She leaned in and kissed me.

I broke the kiss, squinting at her image. "Promise me this is real. That you never really left me. Tell me you love me. Please." Tears were brimming in my eyes as Belle's figuring began to fade. This wasn't real. It isn't real.

"You know I can't do that." She frowned and stroked my cheek before she was gone completely. Leaving the whispered words behind,"I'm sorry."

I wasn't standing in the hallway anymore. I was standing in front of a mirror. My reflection was a more matured. I had the beginning of a beard on my face and seemed older. Not only did I see my reflection but I saw Belle's. She was standing behind me moving some boxes around. One was labeled Kitchen Supplies, another labeled Books.

I turned around and grabbed one of the boxes to help. As I set it down, I sighed. 

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you. Now that we're done with college and I'm moving upstate. I'm gonna be lost without you, Belle," I said reciting the practiced words.

She nodded, her messy bun flopping around. "Yeah but long distance relationships work. We can make it work."

I shrugged. She sat down on one of the boxes, running a hand over her skin. She looked around sadly. "This is a beautiful place. It won't be hard to forget about me."

It was a house in a small comfy town upstate where I had gotten a job teaching college football.

She sniffled. I could see in her eyes that she was dreading the drive back to her mom's place. Six years later and she still hadn't kicked the drug habit. In fact, it had gotten worse. Mrs.Anderson was getting violent.

I couldn't go on with the charade much longer.

"I think I know a way we can make it work." I got down on my knee and pulled out the small black box in my pocket. Belle's eyes turned glassy.

"Marry me."

She was silent for a while. Just staring at me while tears streamed down her face. My stomach dropped. Was she going to decline?

Finally she spoke. "Yes. Yes, I want to marry you!"

I had always been the football player but this time she was the one who tackled me with a giant hug. I hugged back, laughing.

This is my happily ever after, I thought as I closed my eyes.

"Tell me you love me." She didn't answer.

A wind rushed into the room and when I opened my eyes again, I wasn't in a room. I was outside in a big garden. There were white chairs lined up on a lawn. My parents sat in the front. My mom was crying but smiling at me through the tears while my father sat proudly. Surrounding them was a bunch of other guest.

I was wearing a tux and a minister stood next to me. Carter, my best friend, stood behind me patting my back like he always did when I scored a touchdown.

"Congrats, man. I knew you'd accomplish something in life," he teased. I was going to tease him back when the trumpets started to sound.

It felt like my world was in slow motion as I glanced down the isle.

Belle was walking herself down the isle wearing a white wedding dress. The skirt trailed behind her and she held a bouquet of white roses in her hands. Her veil was covering her face but I could see her eyes. They held that determined look they always did. The strong look they always did.

She was only a few feet away from me when the roses started to bleed red.  The trumpets music slowed down and held a scary tone. The red dripped onto the ground creating spots and the blood trailed down her hands in streaks.

My eyebrows knitted together and a lump formed in my throat.

"Belle? I don't understand . . ." I lifted her veil to find her a blank expression. She wasn't staring at me. She was staring right through me. A chill ran down my neck.

The minister's raspy voice asked,"Do you Belle Anderson take Grayson Bolton to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Her eyes shot up to meet mines. They were as sharp as daggers. "No. I don't."

A sinking feeling formed in my stomach. My throat was getting tight.  I could feel my face collapsing. 

"Why not?"

"Because I love him. I choose him."

With a shaky breath, I backed away from her. I wasn't going to let her break my my heart again. No.

I took the ring off my finger and shoved it into her hand.

I won't ask her to tell me she loves me. I don't need it, not anymore.

"Fine."

I walked back down the isle with my head held high. The wedding scene started to melt away and blur but I didn't care. I felt like I was looking in the mirror again, staring at my reflection.

Belle may have left me but I haven't left me. Everything I need is standing in front of me. Down this road, away from Belle. My heart still aches. I'm still in pain but I know I will be alright. I have myself and that's enough.

I know that we will be alright.

Author's Note- Surprise! Another bonus chapter for Christmas!

Thoughts?