Make It Real ( 2 Moons Cast Fanfic ) (BXB)

Chapter 12

Godt’s POV

Letting go is the best thing to do right now. I need to clear things up because now I can definitely say I am sure about how I truly feel. This time I’ll be true to myself.

“What do you feel like eating?” I ask the woman who’s in front of me now. Her eyes are fixed on me, and I feel really guilty, so I can’t stare back at those eyes.

It’s only been a month since the last time we saw each other, but why does it feel like it’s been years? I feel like I don’t know her anymore.

The spark is gone. Whenever I look at her, there’s this emptiness that I feel inside. I no longer remember being in love with her.

“I’m not hungry. I just really want to talk to you.” she utters in a serious voice tone.

“I also want to talk to you. We need to make things clear between the two of us.” I think I surprised her with what I said. Her eyes grow bigger.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll let you know but not here. We need private space.” After settling the check, we head to the parking area and decided to leave Siam right away.

It’s very quiet during the whole ride. I thought of driving her back to her condo and have the conversation there. While stuck in traffic, I keep thinking how foolish I have been.

My guilt is overwhelming. It’s all my fault, and I shouldn’t blame her for any  of this. I know there was a time when she was cold to me, but that wasn’t a good enough reason to betray her and find comfort in someone else’s company. I made a big mistake, and you can all blame me.

We really need to sort this out. I will admit all the wrong things I’ve done but won’t expect her to still accept me after that. I just really want to say sorry for being a jerk and that she doesn’t deserve me.

Up until we get off the elevator, no one dares to speak or even look at each other’s eyes. We sit next to each other on the couch while I take a deep breath to gather all my strength and start talking, but she beats me to it.

“I’m so sorry for being cold to you, Godt. I just got really scared when you got serious and started talking about marriage.” Her tears are about to fall, and I can’t take seeing her like that, so I hug her.

“Don’t apologize because this is all my fault. I shouldn’t have said anything about marriage that soon. I am the one who’s sorry.” I explain.

“I’ve been unfair to you, too.”
Please don’t say that. Her words hurt me so much that I just want to punch myself right now. How did I manage to make a fool of her? Clearly, she doesn’t deserve me.

“Please don’t blame yourself.” I tell her as I hug her tighter.

“But I cheated on you. I guess I couldn’t handle the pressure of you getting serious, so I flirted with someone else.”

That statement makes me let go of her suddenly. It feels like getting struck by lightning or worse. I’m having a thousand and one different emotions that I can’t explain right now.

“With whom?” I ask. One of those feelings that I’m having right now is curiosity, and it’s giving me the strength to look her in the eyes.

“You don’t know him. I only flirted with him, but trust me, I ended it as soon as I realized that you’re really the one I love.”

I should be furious, but I don’t know why I’m not. What’s happening to me?
She moves closer and tries to hug me, but I stop her.