Intrusive

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Inevitably, we are all going to die.

Part of our lives will be spent accepting the fact that we will not live forever and that we must make the most of our time on this planet.

Whether you believe in reincarnation or you believe that you are going to live elsewhere in a place beyond Earth, that is your personal belief. There is no reason for you to conform to anyone else's way of life, faith, or judgement.

I placed my hands over my chest, feeling my heart finally resting at ease.

To my knowledge, I knew that I would live a long and healthy life, but these intrusive thoughts never seemed to believe me.

They insisted that I wasn't ready. They told me that I should fear death. They made me believe that death should cause anxiety and panic to the point where I was hardly able to function. I would cry as though every death affected me personally, no matter who it was. I would become deeply distraught to the point where I couldn't get up in the morning. I would push away everything in the world that I loved most.

I feared death.

Do I still fear it? I would say I do, but I have also come to realize that there isn't anything I can do to prevent this.

Sadly, it isn't as simple as accepting this fact. I never knew what this was called, but I have a tendency to connect anything and everything to a pressing issue.

What do I mean by this?

When I think of death, it isn't simply a matter of where I'm going in the afterlife, if I am going to reincarnate, or whatever else you may choose to believe.

No.

When I think of death, I can't help but think of where I will be. Will I have lived my life to the fullest? Will I die alone? What if I don't die alone and have to leave behind my significant other, my friends, or even my kids?

These are the intrusive thoughts talking.

And they have tainted my brain.