Friendship on Fire

Part 20 ~ Everything happens for a reason

~ Michael's point of view ~ 

Why did she walk away?! . . because a wrong name came out of my mouth by accident?! that can happen to anyone!! . . I follow her outside . . she's not even walking to my car. "Where are you going?" 

"I wanna be alone, can you please just leave me alone??"

The bus stops right in front of us . . Joanna gets in without saying a word. I get in my car and drive home. What the hell just happened here? Is she mad because I called her Miranda or is she mad because we had sex?? . . I have no damn clue and that makes me angry!!! . . it could be anything! . . she could be mad about anything right now . . . 

I stop at the gas station and get something to eat. When I get home I will sit her down and talk to her about every little thing and finally get rid of this stupid tension between us. She's not the same . . she doesn't laugh . . she doesn't make jokes . . she doesn't even TALK . . . I'm tired of it. I'm tired of not knowing what the hell is going on . . I asked her if she is ready . . she said YES . . everything was ok and now she tells me she regrets it?? . . . well thank you Joanna! . . . that was like a punch in the face . . . we had fun . . we enjoyed it . . we really enjoyed it and now I feel terrible . . .

I park the car and walk inside. She's sitting in my bedroom crying . . Oh man
. . I slowly walk in and sit down next to her. .

"Joanna . . . can we please talk now?" 

She ignores me.

I put my arm around her . . she pushes me away. "Please don't touch me"

"What the hell Joanna!? . . what is going on?! I'm sorry I called you Miranda, ok?? it was a stupid accident and it will never happen again . . I'm SORRY, ok? can we please move on now???"

"Michael that's not why I'm mad, I'm not even mad at you, I'm mad at myself!!"

"Why are you mad at yourself? because we had se*x?? is it really that bad?"

"Michael don't make me explain this to you . . you wouldn't undersatnd"

"TRY ME! . . talk to me!! . . will you, please?!"

"I simply regret having sex with you and that's it . . that's my problem . . that's everything I wanna say, ok? . . I regret it!! we shouldn't have done it . . . I think it's best for me if I just go back home . . ."

"Home? . . are you crazy? . . you can't go home! you won't be able to feel comfortable there!! don't you remember what happened?? I don't think you're ready to go back home so soon . . and I don't undersatnd, Joanna I asked you . . I didn't push you at all. . . you said YES and we did it . . why do you make me feel like I'm in the wrong here? . . I don't think that's fair, we BOTH wanted it . . isn't that right?. . please, Joanna . . I'm so sorry you feel this way . . . I'm sorry we had sex, ok? . . I'm sorry. . . I would turn back the time if I could but I can't . . . "

"That's right Michael . . we can't turn back time . . "

I take her in my arms against her will. I pull her close to my chest and keep her there. "Just hug me back, goddamit! why are you fighting against it? you're criyng, I just wanna give you a hug!!! . . what's your damn problem, girl?" 

"My problem is that I needed this hug earlier!!!! . . .
ugh . . . just forget it, I wanna leave . . I'm gonna stay at my mom's"

"What?! . . no . . why?! I want you to stay, Joanna. . please just stay!"

 I pull her up to me . . she pushes me away. "I DON'T WANT THIS HUG!!! I DON'T WANT IT, I DON'T WANT IT. . I JUST DON'T WANT IT!!! PLEASE . . . just leave me alone!!!!!!"