My Secret Love

Olivia's POV

Trigger warning:

I hate myself why did I do this horrible thing.... ever since I fucked up Mark's life I've hated myself ever since.... I say in my head as I see Jack's post on Facebook saying....

Steve you were an amazing friend and I wish we had spent more time together and I wish it hadn't end up this way... I love you bro RIP <3

If I didn't fucking come back into Mark's life! Steve might be alive right now! It's all my fault....

"Shut the bloody kid up!" I hear an asshole yell at me over the sound of a stupid sports game and my child crying in the background. I slowly rub my temples as a migraine arises. I suddenly get a sudden feel of fear as I don't hear the TV anymore and heavy footsteps coming towards me,

"I said to shut the fucking kid up!! you slut!!!" Josh yells at me as he slaps me across the face several times... I don't even scream because I know I deserve it.... I'm a fuck up. Once the beatings have ended I can hear the TV begin roaring once more. I slowly get up so I don't injure myself even more than I already am. I drag myself to my child's room and I look down in misery. I look at this young child who I wish was never born... I have fucked up my life.. for what? what was I thinking the outcome would be? I am 21 years old with a baby and a idiot who doesn't love me who isn't even this child's father.... I slowly get a pillow from one of the near by chairs and place it over the poor child's mouth...

"I wish I had never brought you into the world little boy... I'm sorry... I'm only doing this because I know that fuck head in the other room wont look after you...." I whisper softly at my son who was about to die before me. Tears start to arise in my eyes as my poor son falls lifeless. I start to cry until I feel nothing anymore... No fear... No regret... No self hatred... No depression... Nothing.

I get the rope I had brought days in advance for this exact reason... I slowly start to tie the noose and hang in on the ceiling fan above my dead son. I stand on a chair and take my last few breaths as I kick out the chair underneath me, I try not to struggle as I know I don't belong on this earth anymore...

I'm so sorry Mark......