Mayday [MarkSon]

26

Depression is not like you would commit suicide. Its like loosing that feeling and realize that you deserve this torture.

Pain is a friend,It reminds you that you are still alive.

Breathing...

But every minute without you is torture...

"Hyung" I saw Youngjae enter my office. I look up at him as he sat down.
"Are you okay?" I looked at him."is that an insult?" I replied."sorry" he apologize."Hyung, its been 5 months now and Im worried about you" he suddenly said."Im glad Jaebum was okay after what he did and the doctors thankfully didn't locked him up" he added.

"But.."

"You...Your not locked up but here I am feeling like Im visiting another patient"I look down and sigh.His right.I feel like this time I need a treatment.I need a medicine, but the problem is the cure is far away and somewhere else.

"Hyung,what can I do? Just tell me something?"Youngjae asked.I smiled."Im thankful Youngjae for your concern but do I really have the right answer to your question. I've been asking that myself 'what can I do?', and you know what Youngjae, nothing there is nothing I could do" I said.I didn't mean to offend him or to make him sad but Im just sick of it...Im sick of feeling hopeless.

Youngjae stood up and ready to leave.

"Well I'll leave then.See you later hyung"His voice was down and I felt guilty.He just wanted to help but I shut him down."Im sorry Youngjae..I am"I apologized.I put my palms in my face and hope to find comfort in covering the world in front of me.

"Its okay...Just be alright okay hyung?"

"I'll try"

With that he left and I drown myself with my false motivation to move on.
Minutes pass and another knock on my door came.

"Come in"I said.

"Doctor Tuan,The head doctor wants to see you" the nurse said.I nod and she left.What does he want?.

Walking to his office was like stepping on daggers.My whole existence doesn't want to see his face.The nurses gave me looks of disgust and I tried to hide myself and be ignored.

Once they knew what happened, different rumors here and there spread like fire.I feel like a walking corpse everyday and getting spit on my grave every time I come in this place.I lost my regular freedom,I lost all of my patients and I'm slowly loosing Youngjae.

Then I have arrived.

Two massive doors faced me ,intimidating me with there height. I knock on the door, then a voice said to come in.Before opening the door, I let out a sigh.

There he is sitting on his large chair in front of him is his shining golden plate that has his name on it.Park Jinyoung. "Sit down Mark" He ordered.I sat down in front of him without even looking at him."How are you?"He said and I can taste the poison in it. "Fine" I replied. "Are you?" He said unsure then he started reading something.

"You know Mark,things hasn't been the same ever since Jackson has been your patient.Different accidents always comes up and your always there.Jackson has become more impulsive and dangerous and more to that he has gone crazy". I can't look at him, how can I defend myself when its all true. "I don't even think you were curing him...or your the cause of it?" Park Jinyoung then reached for a folder.

" It gotten worse when Jackson was transferred.You are not yourself anymore Doc.Tuan , I'm worried that other patients might become just like Jackson when you are here so..." I look up at him knowing where this is heading."I would like for you to resign from our hospital, Mark" Tears fell in my eyes.

"W-What? No please, You took away Jackson, don't take away my dream too, this has been my life, Please I'm begging you!"I cried but he was heartless."I'm sorry Doc.Tuan your fired".I cried and everything shattered in front of me.The world was dark and cold and I kept crying and crying but nobody heard it, nobody listened. "You can leave now" he said and I tried to look at him with up most hope."please I'll be better just don't let me go....please" I held his hand tight. "I'm really sorry Mark but this is also for you, try to regain yourself, I'm sorry just leave" He said and I can't stop crying, with the little strength left in me, my feet dragged me out.

The wall supported my weak body and I can't help but to cry once more.

why...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hyung" Youngjae entered my office the next day.I put aside the boxes that has my things in it. "Hey Youngjae" I plastered a smile at least I tried . "Why are you not on your uniform?" He asked.

"Uhmm-".

"And Why are you packing?" His voice changed.

"Hyung?" Youngjae's smile was gone.

I faced him. "Im leaving Youngjae" His eyes instantly watered."Your joking right hyung?..What do you mean?" He asked."I wish I was joking Youngjae....But I'm not" I replied sadly. "Jinyoung fired me and he thinks its for good" I explained. "Why would he?! Hyung you were a good doctor why would he fire you?, I won't accept this" Youngjae started to walk to the door.
"Youngjae wait just listen to me!, I don't want you to be in trouble" I grab his hand. "But hyung, you can't leave you can't--" Youngjae started crying.

I hug him. His sobs hurts me and I'm going to miss him so much. "Look Youngjae, Its okay its alright this is what I get for taking risks without thinking...I deserve this"I pat his head. "But this is your dream aren't you hurt?"He asked.Tears flowed in my eyes. "I was hurt, more than you think" I replied. "But its okay, I need time to go back to myself, don't worry about me okay? I'll be fine" I added.

"I'll go with you" I chuckled.

"Jaebum needs you here, don't leave him, he loves you so much" I said.

"Oh,Hyung"He hugged me tightly this time and I hug back. "I'll miss you" I said."so much" I replied.

After packing with the help of Youngjae,I finally left my office and walk outside.I put my things on my unused car. Youngjae looked at me one last time."Hyung, You'll be okay?"He said."I will"I replied.One last hug then I entered my car and turn the keys. The engine roared. One last look and then say goodbye. I drive away and hope to find myself this time.