forty-six

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it has been 2 months, and taeyang missed sana the more he thought about her.

taeyang was in the middle of a check up with his doctor which he had once every year, and he swore, he wanted to forget about this check up more than anything in the world.

the doctor let a deep sigh, clasping his fists in hestation. he had just did a thorough check up on taeyang's breathing conditions and blood flow.

" taeyang, do you feel pain or swelling in your leg or your chest from time to time? or maybe even feel your leg suddenly heat up out of the blue? ", he asked, sympathy evident in his eyes.

" now that i think about it, i do feel some pain sometimes ", taeyang nervously rubbed his nape, not knowing what news would be told.

the doctor sighed. he ran his hand through his hair, before breaking the news.

" taeyang, i am absolutely sorry that i have to tell you this. but, you're currently suffering from deep vein thrombosis. and it's worsened very much ", the doctor started.

taeyang didn't know what to say. he suspected that he was sick or something but not to the extent where the doctor would be so hesitant to tell him why he felt pain all these while.

" the blood clot started off from your leg, and now it has travelled all the way to your lungs, growing larger in size. the disease barely has any symptoms beside swelling and often feeling pain. i'm afraid that you only have about a year left to live. i don't understand what caused this because you're a very healthy boy but i am extremely sorry that this is happening to you, taeyang. please do tell your family and friends about this. i'm sorry ", the doctor placed his hand on taeyang's shoulder.

taeyang didn't know how to react to this. he didn't know what emotions he was supposed to feel. he didn't know.

" t-thank you doctor, f-for telling me t-this. i'll be g-going now ", taeyang stuttered before bowing to his doctor, and left the clinic.

he decided to walk to the park and think. but his eyes turned glassy fast. he felt all the hot tears streaming down his cheeks already, his face heating up in despair.

why did this have to happen to me

" god w-why..! ", taeyang shouted at the top of his lungs, while the tears did not stop, while he sobbed loudly.

" i p-promised that i-i would w-wait for sana b-but look w-what happened to m-me...! ", he threw to the side whatever what was in his hand and fell down hard on the grass patch, holding his face in his hands while he cried.

he didn't care if people were staring. he wasn't going to be there for sana anymore.

he heard his phone beep from a distance, but he ignored it.

message from : 'youngbin hyung'
[ taeyang, how did the check-up go? ]
[ i'm coming to the park, i suppose you're there? ]
[ please reply ]
[ i'm getting worried ]

taeyang ran his hand through his hair. he looked up and closed his eyes, trying to steady his heavy breathing only to erupt in more sobs.

" taeyang! ", he heard someone call his name worriedly. he felt too weak to see who it was.

" taeyang, are you okay? ", a familiar voice spoke as he felt a pair of arms gently shaking his shoulders.

taeyang slowly looked up at the appearance of his hyung. he tried to hold back the tears but he didn't have control over them anymore.

" dongsaeng.. don't cry... tell me what happened  ", youngbin spoke in a soft voice before helping taeyang to get up slowly and they both sat on the nearby bench.

taeyang's head hung low as the tears dripped from his eyes ," h-hyung... i'm going to d-die soon ".

" hey don't say that ", youngbin frowned a little at the younger boy's words.

"the doctor told me i h-had this dvt thing and i'm gonna suffocate soon and d-die ", taeyang sobbed.

youngbin quickly hugged taeyang, patting his back. he became a brotherly figure to taeyang ever since they met.

taeyang continued to cry silently on youngbin's shoulder.

" whatever that disease is, it doesn't matter. all you need to do is be strong and fight it... for sana ", youngbin felt tears threatening to fall but he held them back.

the thought of losing someone close to him, stabbed him hard. he wanted the ground to suddenly open up and swallow him so that he could cry his heart out, but he didn't want to appear weak in front of someone who needed his support now.

" and i'll be here whenever you need me ".

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GUYS I'M SORRY THIS HAD TO HAPPEN ISTG I'M SORRY ㅠㅠ

also, this is the last chapter update before i go on a semi-hiatus :"(( thank you for all of those who constantly read and waited for chapter updates!!!! i love you guys
so so much istg this story wouldn't have reached 8k without u guys 🙆🙆💞💖

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