book about my insanity

two years ago

today I celebrate two years of being clean

today I celebrate two years of success; of triumph; of victory

today I celebrate two years of not cutting myself

two years ago, I was twelve years old. I was depressed, and no one knew. when I cried out for help, no one came.

I'm not blaming this on anyone. today, I have friends who support me. however, two years ago I found myself attempting to take apart a razor. when I succeeded in removing the blades, I felt relief. then came my attempt.

I held that blade to my arm, and I made a cut. it didn't hurt for a moment, but then the pain came. it distracted me from the emotional and mental pain I was feeling, so it made me happy. I smiled.

I made another cut. another. another. by the time I was finished, both arms were covered in cuts made from a single blade. it hurt when I bent my wrists, and I now understand why: I was so close to slicing my veins.

two years ago, I nearly lost my life because people thought it was okay to bully me for my weight and push me further into my insecurity.

that day, I decided to starve myself and workout excessively.

I was in distress because I couldn't lose weight no matter what I tried.

two years ago, my journey of depression and suicide attempts began

I am better now. I haven't had thoughts of suicide in four months.

thank you to those who support(ed) me.