Delicate ✔

Chapter Thirty-One

  It's like he's taken my place. He says he can't feel much. I remember when we were lost in the woods. I had felt so numb. I didn't know if I was dead or alive. Honestly, if I could choose, I would want to feel pain. At least then I could know I'm still alive. I could know I am human. I use to feel like I felt nothing at all. Now, it feels like a thousand weights are crushing me with grief. This is the last time I will get to see Justin.

I intertwine my fingers with Justin's. I squeeze gently, listening to him cry. He looks terrified. He is scared. I just want to hold him.

"You know, I don't know if I want it to hurt when they move this truck. But then again, I don't want to not feel anything. I feel so numb, Aubrey."

"I know the feeling," I whisper wryly.

A sob escapes his mouth. "I guess this is goodbye."

His crying pulls at my heartstrings. I'm not sure what to say, so I don't say anything. I just look at him. This is too much for me.

"I'm scared," he croaks.

"Of what?," I question.

"I know I try to act all tough sometime, but I'm scared to die, Aubrey. But maybe it was suppose to be this way."

"Don't say that," I scold.

"I told you," he reminds me. "Everything happens for a reason."

I sound like a blubbering mess. "What's the reason?," I snap. "To break my heart? Why did I even meet you, if you were going to die in the end?"

I put a hand to my heart. It hurts. Is this what a broken heart feels like? Why does it have to hurt so bad? I'm crying uncontrollably again.

"I know this sounds corny, but I think you saved me."

"You're going to die," I spit, irritated.

He closes his eyes, weak and tired. "I saved you too."

"What does that even mean?," I sob. "Nothing has changed."

He sighs. "Aubrey, I'm tired, sweetheart," he breathes. "I'm ready to die."

The waterworks continue. "I don't want you to," I do my best to lean over the truck and give him a soft kiss on his lips.

I pull away after a moment. He tenses, as if he wants to lean up to kiss me back, but he can't. He is pinned between the tree and the truck. And he is tired. I can't make him live like this any longer. It's time to say goodbye.

"I guess this is goodbye?," my words sound like a question.

His brown eyes pop open again. He gazes in wonder at me. "Aubrey..."

"What?," I manage to ask.

"I love you," he says sincerely.

My throat constricts. How are the tears still falling? He loves me. Why did he have to tell me that? He's only making this harder. I can reach enough to rest my head on his shoulder. I cry into it. My loud cries cause people to look. I don't care. I can't calm down.

"I love you too," I tell him honestly, clutching onto his shirt. "I already miss you."

"You'll be fine."

I pull away. I take one long look at him. It will be my last.

"It's funny," I mutter. "You were so worried I would leave you. But here you are, leaving me."

"I'm sorry, baby."

"It's not your fault, Justin. Everything happens for a reason," I repeat his earlier words. "I'm going to go now."