Writing The Tides

Nepenthe (n.)

Lance had way too much to drink.

Someone had definitely spiked the orange juice because no way in hell would Shay or Hunk allow him to have alcohol right now...I mean, where else would this buzzing feeling be coming from?

Okay, so it wasn't so much the drink, but he had a lot on his mind, there was so much going on that he didn't understand, so many feelings he never realized he had.

Ugh, feelings.

It wasn't like he was trying to confess everything to Keith all at once, but he was in such an off mood, and whoever left him alone with his phone was obviously not thinking straight.

Not that Lance was either.

I mean, it was supposed to be just a text. Simple, short and sweet, nice text. A "hey what's up" would've perfectly sufficed.

But Lance hit the call button, regretting the entirety of the last twenty-four hours of his life as he began speaking to a monotone answering machine.

The "alcohol" was giving him an adrenaline rush he could not deal with, and the next thing he knew, he was running off on a tangent about every single thing he loved about raven black hair and stone eyes.

Ugh, Lance hated himself.

He hated how sensitive he was, he hated that he needed approval to feel good about himself, he hated how dependent he was on everyone else.

'Why do I have to be so much to handle?'

No wonder Keith didn't like him back.

And now, Lance was gonna scare him off, and he might never see him again.

He choked, he didn't even think about that part. What if he scares off Keith so bad that they couldn't even be friends anymore. And if it wasn't bad enough already, with Lance spurting every movie cliche he had ever heard and shooting out the most cheesy garbage that has probably ever come to existence, he had to go and drop the L-bomb.

Lance hit the end call immediately after the words left his mouth like stones hurled at full force, he wanted them back, he wanted to relapse with his unpublished words still sitting on his tongue, the weight would have burn a hole through his mouth, but anything was better than this.

And the worst of all, the grand finale of this ongoing disaster, was that he meant it.

He meant every broken syllable and run on sentence and misplaced pause and it.

He meant it so badly that Lance couldn't do anything but sit in the stillness of the kitchen and wait until the others arrived to break through the bubble, so he could put on a brave face. So he could pretend that nothing ever happened.

And hope that Keith would do the same.

~

"I don't think I've ever seen you this upset before." A sly voice creeped up to the brown haired boy like a fox creeping onto its prey, eyes locked in place.

Lance looked up, eyes trailing a boy with dark skin and eyes that shone almost like violet. He was tall, especially now, looming over Lance, who was sitting in the corner of the kitchen. But asides from the strong jawline and angular nose, his most striking feature was probably his stark white hair, pulled into a loose ponytail, cascading down his left shoulder.

"I-uh, don't know what you mean." Lance smiled easily, pulling a curtain over his thoughts.

The other boy scoffed, obviously not buying the act. "Lance, I know you. You probably don't know me because I tend to stay lowkey but I've seen you at every one of these parties. And at everyone of these, you're exactly the same. You smile and laugh and pretend everything is cool and then, when you think no one is looking, you falter. Seriously, what is up with you?"

Lance stared, gaping at words to explain everything, how the fuck did everything lead to this? Where did it even start?

"Well, I was in a bad relationship for a while..."

~

"He sounds like a bitch to me."

They two had somehow migrated to the living room, leaning against the wall side by side while they watched the party dance without them.

"Lotor, stop. He isn't like that." Lance jumped to Keith's defense immediately, he had caught Lotor up with everything that was going on, and he wasn't afraid to give Lance his honest opinion- which Lance did appreciate, even though his opinions were sorta...mean.

"Come on Lance. He obviously doesn't like you. I mean, he didn't even want to come with you to this lameass party." Lotor gestured around the room, the scene filled with dancing and Katy Perry and solo cups filled with orange juice.

"Hey, shut it. Shay and Hunk have great parties." He took a proud swig of his orange juice as he watched the couple dance in the corner. The two swayed to pop music as Balmera, Shay's dog, circled around them. The whole act was adorable, really, and Lance smiled fondly at his friends.

"Aw, you always defend your friends. It's so cute." Lotor's accent rolled with each line, and Lance was having trouble telling whether or not he was being sarcastic.

"Uh, thanks, I think." Lance smiled awkwardly. His face soon went blank as he noticed Lotor moving steadily closer to him.

"You know, maybe it would be better for the both of you if you just moved on..." Lotor stated at almost a whisper, a finger curling a strand of Lance's hair.

"I, um- don't know." Lance coughed, avoiding the other's eyes.

"Well then, find out.." Lotor pulled Lance's chin towards him before placing their lips together.

It was such a subtle motion.

Almost like nothing.

And Lance had no idea why he didn't break away immediately, why he didn't push away, why, why, why, why.....

He just let Lotor keep kissing him.

And he didn't stop then.

And he didn't stop now.

Even with broken stone eyes staring at him with a flood of tears rushing his direction.

Lance learned to drown.

And he wasn't gonna make it.

///

So yeah I'm not dead (on the outside)

BUT Y'ALL ARE KILLING ME WITH ALL THE LOVE AND COMMENTS!! Not to mention? WE HIT 4.1K??? What did I do to deserve y'all?!   ♡   ♡   ♡  ♡

Anyways, I'm gonna try and update as soon as I can, but junior year is very time consuming and I apologize. I cannot stress how much your support and love means to me, it pushes me to be a better writer and honestly always makes my day. Thank you.

As always, keep breathing...

~ Tan ♡